July 2006

And another thing

For those tracking the progress of Juno, here's an item from yesterday's Variety:

Director news

Posted by Diablo Cody at July 27, 2006 8:41 AM

And You Thought CNN Was Respectable

Last night I went to see The Descent. KILLER flick, incidentally-- my manicure is an even bigger wreck than usual. You'd think I'd been clawing my way out of that godforsaken hellcave. See it as soon as you can if you want to shriek like a eunuch.

When I got home, Jonny greeted me, hustled me into the office and said "Check out the lead entertainment story on CNN.com!"

AP interview with me, accompanied by standard writer-gazes-out-window photo. Yes, my face is really that pinched and oblong. And yes, that is coincidentally the same cheap Target dress I wore when I was a guest on CNN Showbiz Tonight. 'Cause my stylist always has the croup or something. Nothing but the best for America's leading cable news network!

So that was weird. I feel really bad for Nelly Furtado, who was relegated to the second headline. BURN!

For the record, while I will attest to the skill and professionalism of this particular journalist, I was kind of duped into the obnoxious IQ comment. They spontaneously asked me "Is it true you have a genius IQ?" I had no idea where they'd heard that, so I was all, "Um, sure. But it's on the low end, like 140." I thought my tone was adequately dry, but apparently not. And now, of course, it comes off like "I am a FUCKING GENIUS!" Cody declares, apropos of nothing.

Anyway, the AP thing boosted my sales considerably, which is cool. But I'm always embarrassed when there's a sudden influx of publicity that comes unannounced, like a menstrual wave. At least this article mentions that Entertainment Weekly gave my Juno screenplay an A-minus. I feel like nobody read or acknowledged that EW piece because it was about my writing, rather than my pussy. But if I give an interview about stripping to the Daily Blah in Des Moines, 40 people call me about it.

I'm not complaining, not for a tick. But it's safe to say that I've become slightly more defensive.

Posted by Diablo Cody at July 27, 2006 7:33 AM

Weekend Roundup

Selling a house is HARD, especially when you ain't exactly Felix Unger's long-lost niece. Jonny and I are punk swine by nature, and we're accustomed to rooting around in stoner detritus, Coke empties, and animal fecal matter. Case in point: this photo of our nightstand taken before Cody Ranch went on the market:

You may be wondering why I chose to capture this grotesque vanitas at the time. Truthfully, one day I woke up, stared at the nightstand, realized it was a haunting reflection of our very souls (Goldie Hawn! Tums! Handcuffs!) and snapped a pic. I'd planned to blog the nightstand weeks ago, but it slipped my mind in much the same manner as my medication schedule and work commitments. But here it is, still lovingly preserved for you. A poignant monument to our former filth. Step aside, Maya Lin.

Needless to say, since we started showing the house to prospective buyers, we've had to clean up our act dramatically. I think that flowery Hawn memoir is stashed in the garage somewhere, and the Tums are in the medicine cabinet where Tums ought to live. The floors gleam. The dishes are-- well, the dishes are washed. The litter boxes no longer bear witness to weeks of feline mudbutt. We're living like normals, more or less. There's hope for us, I think.

So what else have I been up to? I finished a script last week. I've been fasting and exercising in anticipation of my upcoming 10-year high school reunion-- oh, how I long to be cool and lean in my fake Dior sunglasses, flicking beernuts at my former crushes!

I painted the red living room Temperate Taupe to calm the hordes of lookie-loos who WANT TO BUY A HOUSE, NOT A G--D--- BORDELLO. Jonny and I saw Clerks 2 alone on Friday and Monster House with the kid yesterday. I was delighted by both movies. Monster House is evocative of the great edgy juvy-romps of the '80s. You know, like Adventures in Babysitting and The Goonies? The kids are shrewd and disobedient and the script is free of P.C. yuppie-parent bullshit. Kudos, Spielbergo!

(And props to Kevin Smith for keeping it real real. I can hardly criticize someone else for using shock value to sell tix. Plus, Elias is the best character ever.

Oh, I've been playing lots of Nintendo and I just started cross-stitching again with Julie Jackson's brilliant designs. I'm almost finished with "Irony Is Not Dead." Try explaining that saying to a 7-year-old. I eventually settled on, "It means it's not cool to act all cheesy and sensitive. Be funny and make fun of things." Not exactly accurate, I know, but I can't even explain irony to some adults.

Posted by Diablo Cody at July 24, 2006 10:17 AM

TIGHT!

So Jonny just blogged about my awesome new habit: slapping/thumping my abs while screaming "TIGHT!" in a strangled pro-wrestler kind of voice. Rad.

What he failed to mention is that I usually follow it up by bending over, balling my hands into fists and grunting "UGGGH!"

Then I prop my foot up on the nearest piece of furniture/car bumper/church pew, stroke my flexed quad muscle and sigh contentedly. I also stare at people while I do it, almost challenging them to disagree with this unspoken assessment of my own physique.

I don't get why Jonny finds this obnoxious.

Posted by Diablo Cody at July 18, 2006 12:47 PM

Forgive me

I apologize for the sporadic-at-best blogging. Our stupid Qwest DSL has been napping most days (oh, how I can't wait to get the cable hookup at the new crib). I woke up this morning with a dark-roasted entry percolating in the ol' brainpot, but I'd rather not key in the whole fuggin' thing on my pea-sized Sidekick. Fake nails and cutting-edge microtechnology remain incompatible.

I love you. Did you know that raised frosted donuts (f.k.a. "manna") have only 210 calories?

Posted by Diablo Cody at July 18, 2006 10:26 AM

Drinking With Me

A few months ago, I was honored to be a guest on Drinking With Ian, the best locally produced show I've ever seen, let alone participated in. (God, I so didn't want to end that sentence in a preposition. I rearranged words valiantly, but grace of syntax prevailed.)

Anyway, DWI proved to be excellent practice for Letterman, and even if it hadn't been so fortuitously timed, the experience was a sparkly, sparkly treasure in the murky undersea grotto of life.

Watch!

I recommend watching the whole thing for the drink recipes, John Holmes Hand Soap, etc.

Posted by Diablo Cody at July 13, 2006 10:16 AM

Apparently, Barnabas enjoyed today's trip to the park

Posted by Diablo Cody at July 6, 2006 5:02 PM

Because It's Hilarious

On Monday we went to visit our good friends and their adorable new human. Jon couldn't resist pretending to consume the child whole, Cronus-like.

The funny part is, I didn't even see him do this. But when it came my turn to pose with the babe, I did the exact same thing. Apparently my husband and I have the same initial impulse when handed a beautiful infant: open jaws, look deranged, descend like a half-starved python.

Seriously, she is such a pretty little girl. The ugly ones require lots of ketchup.

Posted by Diablo Cody at July 5, 2006 12:26 PM

Cream Pickle Pups

They're only the greatest, most crave-vanquishing fairground snack ever invented. Duh.

Yesterday, Jonny and I went to Taste of Minnesota to see Al Jardine perform with his "Beach Boyz Bastard Band, Not Affiliated With the Actual Beach Boys, But Featuring an Original Member." Truthfully, I love Al-- as O.G. Beach Boys go, he's the amiable leprauchan in a group full of litigious crabapples. And as Jonny put it yesterday as we trucked down the midway: "We'll go see any vaguely Beach Boys-related thing that appears within a 50-mile radius."

First, of course, we had to chow. You know I have nine stomachs.

I started by sampling the usual Minne-satanic fair fare. Cheese curds. A fried Snickers bar oozing sweet high-temp goo in a nougaty panto of Pele. Jonny had a pork chop on a stick. I went for a gyro. Finally, we were stuffed. But then I spotted something else, something revolutionary: The Cream Pickle Pup.

This is a large dill pickle, filled with cream cheese, batter-dipped, and deep fried. It improbably manages to combine the best elements of a jalapeno popper and a cake donut. Tart, salty, mellow, sweet, pillowy, cheesy, crunchy. I went into an ecstatic trance. I'm not sure how they get the dairy inside the pickle (a giant syringe?) but it is GOOD. It has supplanted the fried Snickers as my favorite vice. The only way they could improve the Pup would be to serve it with a beer back.

So we had about two more hours before Al and his mishmash of musician friends were scheduled to take to the stage. We decided to watch David Cassidy's set on the Strib stage. There were SCADS of well-aged Keith Partridge groupies, including a chick with an elaborate sign that read "I Think I Love You!" You'd think if you were trying to pull a Partridge, you'd reference a less obvious single.

The band vamped for a few minutes, then the lithe, balding Cassidy strolled onstage with his axe. They launched into "Hush" by Deep Purple, confirming my earlier prediction that Cassidy would focus on non-Patridge-tainted classic rock chesnuts. Because when you think about it, most people only know only one or two Patridge Family songs. And nobody wants to hear the deep cuts, except maybe Go-Go Giddle Partridge, who is a genius.

And then, I shit you not-- Cassidy leans into the mic and shouts "Hello, Iowa!"

I immediately shrieked with glee at this awesome celeb gaffe, but Jon was all "He's joking!" But he so wasn't. If he'd been joking, he'd have said "Just kidding, Minnesota" or something to that effect. But he didn't. He just continued with some earnest patter about how he was so happy to be here. HE TOTALLY THOUGHT HE WAS IN IOWA.

Now, you groovier-than-thou New Yorkers are probably all "It was an honest mistake. All those flat states look the same (disco yawn)." Bullshit, man! I went to college in Iowa, and ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Minneapolis is no Iowa. Trust Cousin Diablo on this distinction.

Anyway, we quickly exited the Cassidy playpen and headed over to the Beach Boys stage to stake out front-row spots with the rest of the diehards. Then we saw Al! He looked alarmingly sun-damaged but still elfin. All the geeks bumrushed him for auographs, including me. I came prepared with a black Sharpie that we'd magically found that morning, and two CD sleeves. I courteously slid into line, even though Jonny was begging me to be more aggressive. Finally, I was next. The bitch in front of me asked to borrow my Sharpie and I obliged, seeing as I am so courteous. Al signed her stupid vintage magazine as she babbled at him about how long she'd been a fan. I gritted my teeth. Then, as the bitch handed me back my Sharpie, Al announced that it was showtime he couldn't sign anything else.

Now, I'm not an autograph hound by any means. But Jonny really wanted the CDs signed, and I blew it due to stupid, ignorant politesse. Lesson learned. Next time, that Sharpie is taking a fantastic voyage into someone's eyeball.

The show was good, by the way. Hope you all had a Fourth with plenty of relaxation and just enough pomp!

Posted by Diablo Cody at July 5, 2006 9:37 AM

« June 2006 | Main | August 2006 »