Weekend Roundup

Selling a house is HARD, especially when you ain't exactly Felix Unger's long-lost niece. Jonny and I are punk swine by nature, and we're accustomed to rooting around in stoner detritus, Coke empties, and animal fecal matter. Case in point: this photo of our nightstand taken before Cody Ranch went on the market:

You may be wondering why I chose to capture this grotesque vanitas at the time. Truthfully, one day I woke up, stared at the nightstand, realized it was a haunting reflection of our very souls (Goldie Hawn! Tums! Handcuffs!) and snapped a pic. I'd planned to blog the nightstand weeks ago, but it slipped my mind in much the same manner as my medication schedule and work commitments. But here it is, still lovingly preserved for you. A poignant monument to our former filth. Step aside, Maya Lin.

Needless to say, since we started showing the house to prospective buyers, we've had to clean up our act dramatically. I think that flowery Hawn memoir is stashed in the garage somewhere, and the Tums are in the medicine cabinet where Tums ought to live. The floors gleam. The dishes are-- well, the dishes are washed. The litter boxes no longer bear witness to weeks of feline mudbutt. We're living like normals, more or less. There's hope for us, I think.

So what else have I been up to? I finished a script last week. I've been fasting and exercising in anticipation of my upcoming 10-year high school reunion-- oh, how I long to be cool and lean in my fake Dior sunglasses, flicking beernuts at my former crushes!

I painted the red living room Temperate Taupe to calm the hordes of lookie-loos who WANT TO BUY A HOUSE, NOT A G--D--- BORDELLO. Jonny and I saw Clerks 2 alone on Friday and Monster House with the kid yesterday. I was delighted by both movies. Monster House is evocative of the great edgy juvy-romps of the '80s. You know, like Adventures in Babysitting and The Goonies? The kids are shrewd and disobedient and the script is free of P.C. yuppie-parent bullshit. Kudos, Spielbergo!

(And props to Kevin Smith for keeping it real real. I can hardly criticize someone else for using shock value to sell tix. Plus, Elias is the best character ever.

Oh, I've been playing lots of Nintendo and I just started cross-stitching again with Julie Jackson's brilliant designs. I'm almost finished with "Irony Is Not Dead." Try explaining that saying to a 7-year-old. I eventually settled on, "It means it's not cool to act all cheesy and sensitive. Be funny and make fun of things." Not exactly accurate, I know, but I can't even explain irony to some adults.