Go Away, Little Children

I've decided Peanut's new friends are obnoxious, ill-mannered little crotchlings.

They've been ringing the doorbell for 25 minutes--no exaggeration. Barnabas is barking himself hoarse, which is the primary source of my annoyance. Now they're doing that "shave-and-a-haircut-two-bits" knock. Oh God, the agony. Why did so many people fuck bareback in the late '90s?

I would march upstairs and reprimand them, but that's something only a "real mom" can get away with-- I'm already under suspicion in this neighborhood because I'm so rad and shit. Besides, I prefer the idea of ignoring the children completely while they shiver in their thin nylon jackets.

I'm not a professional urchin-greeter, and I won't be exposed to their rank lunchpail stink! AND IF YOU THINK I'M MEAN, ALL YOU MAUDLIN CLOWNS CAN CRAM IT!

Luckily, Jonny has volunteered to pass out candy on Halloween this year. I'm gonna stay in the basement, drink Freixnet, surf SG and read Bizarre.

P.S. I just read over this entry and realized it could be interpreted as a mild, Swiftian satire of child-hating trolls. Good, good. Keep believing it. Don't stop loving me.