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Village Voice
The Great Walls of Chinatown
With the exception of the electric rice cookers, this Bowery tenement could have come straight from the Nineteenth Century.
By Elizabeth Dwoskin
Houston Press
Getting Off
DUI attorney Tyler Flood wins 80 percent of his trials--even if his clients were 100 percent drunk.
By Mike Giglio
Miami New Times
Park or Die Tryin'
From the homeless parking mafia to the meter fairy, finding a spot in Miami has taken a turn toward the surreal.
By Gus Garcia-Roberts

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PINK!

(I'm definitely workin' a Paris Hilton wonky eye in that first picture. Attractive!)

I went running yesterday, which kicked my sedentary ass. Then I came inside and executed this teenage dye job. Just looking in the mirror makes me crave candy. I want to lick my own skull!

I had the weirdest dreams last night. I was hanging out with my two (deceased) grandmothers. We were having a frank discussion about masturbation. I can assure you that this would never have happened on the physical plane. Finally, one of them told me that she had discovered a newfangled exercise device that enabled her to have multiple orgasms in the lotus position. O-kay.

I've been writing a lot again, now that my laptop has returned to the realm of the living. I was in sleep-mode for a while there. Honestly, I wasn't doing anything. That familiar, uneasy feeling of stagnation inspired me to finally write an essay about the nervous breakdown I had when I was 19. I spent most of last week working on it, grooming it, playing picky-picky with adverbs. Yes, it's self-indulgent and rambling, but if I became selfless and coherent, would you still love me?

(Don't answer that.)

House of Carters is still amazing. Did anyone see it last night? The dad was such a Crown Royal lush. He looked like a partially mummified version of Aaron. I felt sorry for the stepmother, but then, I always do. Leslie needs a Cymbalta prescription, like, yesterday. I've never seen anyone cry so much. I think Angel is the most mysterious Carter. And that's all the thought I can possibly give to that show today, lest I inspire pity.