December 2006

Jonny is a Good Writer

(That sounds like a Ramones song, doesn't it?)

Some of you might not know that my huzbin went to J-school at the U in the hopes of becoming the next Chuck Eddy. (He wound up editing the arts section of the Daily in a marijuana fog because, well, he had a knack. Fog notwithstanding.) Jonny's always loved to write--especially rock crit, which you know if you read his blog-- and has contributed to our own City Pages in addition to others. Anyway, I've always admired his work, which also serves as definitive proof that certain writing careers (mine) are predicated on luck/cunning as much as talent. Too bad straight boys can't strip.

Last night I read one of his recent projects-in-progress (there are always a few, since he's way more disciplined than me. Actually, a four-week-old Pomeranian puppy is more disciplined than me.) Anyway, said project was SO YUMMY. It gave me a pang. A pang of envy. I think it's a good thing to envy your significant other; it's almost like foreplay. They have something you want.

Jonny is so eternally focused on music that he doesn't get his writing "out there," as they say. At least not nearly often enough. We have a similar prose style, weirdly enough: faces are "kissers" or "mugs," definitely becomes "deffo"-- the junkyard slang flies (2) fast and (2) furious. Maybe I just understand him. Imagine that.

I gotta cut this short because I'm doing Maxim Radio in like seconds. I just had to say my piece about my piece.

Posted by Diablo Cody at December 22, 2006 10:07 AM

Lohan Holiday

It's snowing like bejeebers outside. The giant soap-flake Norman Rockwell variety. Snow is actually chihuahua-retardant, so Barnabas has been staying inside and using Piss Pads(TM) when nature calls. I don't blame him; his underbelly is practically hairless. Nobody wants to be naked in the snow, save those crazy Swedes.

Larry/Douchepacker is inexplicably cuddly today. I can't even type without him jumping into my lap--all ten tons of him--and purring like an idling Hummer. Catblog!

I was up until 3:30 a.m. last night alternately working on my pilot and Googling roller coaster specs. I discovered to my delight that I've ridden a couple of Schwarzkopfs and didn't even know it.

I "made" Christmas cookies last night, and then we decorated them. I didn't think it was possible to get sick of frosting, but after about 12 cookies I've finally driven myself to the brink. Digestive difficulties be damned! There's no such thing as abdominal pain when the Yule log's a-cracklin'!

I just schooled a zit that previously seemed like it might be unpoppable. I win. (And sadly, you all lose for having read that. I have to install a TMI filter in '07.)

Posted by Diablo Cody at December 21, 2006 2:51 PM

NEVER FORGET.

I just winterized the 'Fucker. Come spring, I'll be terrorizing manatees once again! Until then, enjoy the never-unfunny sight of Beyonce, J. Lo and Jenna Elfman lactating. Beyonce is obviously the superior cow; her milk arc is impressive and her nipples are lush and mature. Meanwhile, I establish my primacy by keeping my top on. My cruel mouth is mocking, agape. The whole scene is ripe for analysis, really.

"GOD, MY BOAT ROCKS: A Doctoral Thesis by Diablo Cody, University of South Padre."

You know those Soft Batch cookies I was talking about the other day. Owned. Owned, consumed, and remembered fondly. I killed half the bag before I even pulled into the garage. ALL YOUR DOUGH CONDITIONERS ARE BELONG TO US!!! c@@kie l33t!

Tonight, Jonny, Peanut and I went out for dinner with Jonny's long-lost-birth-father's-siblings. Right. (I'm acquiring new in-laws like '90s middle schoolers aquired Pogs.) I ordered something called "Pasta Cake," which was a giant salty wedge of pasta and and pasta-related items. The name of the entree was so absurd that I was actually paranoid about ordering it. I kept thinking I'd imagined it and had to peek at the menu again to check. How schizoid is that? Pasta Cake messed with my head.

Posted by Diablo Cody at December 18, 2006 11:36 PM

Meredith Learns a Lesson

(Click to see full image...stoopid maximum GIF size!)

Posted by Diablo Cody at December 18, 2006 2:33 PM

I'm in Variety today

About that little Spielberg thing.

Is it uncouth or cheesy to link to my mentions in the trades? I haven't figured that out yet. I kind of hope it comes off as vulgar. I'm 3/4 Vulgarian on my mother's side.

Also, I'm craving Soft Batch cookies.

Posted by Diablo Cody at December 14, 2006 11:02 AM

Small Ones Are Sweeter

I recently wrote a six-minute flick for my friend (NAME WITHHELD)--auteur/impresario/man-about-town-- to direct. Actually, that sentence makes me sound proactive. More accurately, (NAME WITHHELD) persuaded me to write said film, then rustled up the necessary crew and actors and made the fuckin' thing happen within two weeks of its inception. The kid's got gumption, I'll say that.

We're gonna toss it up online once the editing is finished. Please be gentle re: my shitty acting. I am (hopefully) unrecognizable under three hours worth of aging effects makeup done by the brilliant Crist Ballas. My teeth are not actually brown, says the vain blogger.

I've sold a lot of projects in the last two years, but if you've been reading closely, you know that I've never actually had one produced yet. So this was really cool for me. Plus, I got to affectionately rib Ren Faire geeks, one of my favorite pasttimes. Coin of the Realm, y'all!

P.S. On the film-geek tip, go see Brad Silberling's new baby, 10 Items Or Less. NOW!

Posted by Diablo Cody at December 12, 2006 1:04 PM

Liz and April's Night Job

(Click to read the exciting conclusion!)

Posted by Diablo Cody at December 8, 2006 8:39 AM

Hair + Plug

This is so totally becoming a hair blog. Waiter, there's a hair in my cheese sandwich!

I got tired of short and pink after three weeks, so I dyed it back to brown-black and installed some totally kickass thermofiber extensions. OH MY GOTH!

I always default to long and dark. (Insert risky joke here.)

And now for the plug: If anyone's reading this on a Saturday (woe is you!), please come to Jonny's show with the Autumn Leaves tonight at Big V's. The Leaves are jangly and awesome, and First Communion Afterparty is comprised of teens. Yes, a teenage garage rock band! They look all smacked out!

Hope to see you there!

Posted by Diablo Cody at December 2, 2006 1:12 PM

Love Is...

...Washing the vomit out of your wife's purse.

(I really did pick an extraordinary man.)

Posted by Diablo Cody at December 1, 2006 11:54 AM

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