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JT bites it!

Tonight on Degrassi (the greatest show since the other Degrassi), James Tiberius Yorke, the school's beloved mascot/whipping boy, got stabbed in the weiner aorta and went to the great Pharmacy in the Sky. Let us all bow our heads momentarily...and thank Jesus that it wasn't Ellie.

Jonny, for one, wasn't surprised by the plot twist: "Since the minute JT foot on that series six years ago or whatever, he's been the designated sacrificial lamb. I'm surprised he didn't die last season."

[I disagree. I've always thought of Craig as "Most Likely to be Iced by the Writers," since he's constantly buggin' out and causing a ruckus. Whether he's panhandling on the mean streets of the T.O. or disrupting a gay wedding, Craig can always be counted on to totally lose his shit. Even Kevin Smith couldn't save the guy from the inevitable 48-hour coke habit. Hopefully, Craig is seeing Jessie Spano's addiction counselor ("If You Don't Kick Within Two Episodes, You Get Your Money Back!")]

But JT could never catch a break. His small penis was alluded to repeatedly on the show, inspiring Toby's classic "roll of dimes" diss. He dated the most obnoxious character on the series (humorless Liberty, who'd sprain her face if she deigned to smile), knocked her up, O.D.'d on OxyContin, and then--once he was finally free of Liberty's umbilical noose--proceeded to rebound with teen mom Mia. (Did JT have a fertility fetish or something? And did any of my fellow Italians feel mildly offended tonight when Mia was referred to as "a spicy meatball sandwich?" I mean, Mia is WAY cheaper than the average toasted sub!)

The real surprise tonight was that Jay wasn't the one who knifed JT. Jay is usually the root of all evil at Degrassi, the smirking Old Scratch who sends everything topsy-turvy. (Remember when he spurted hot, sweet gonorrhea down Emma's virgin esophagus? Remember when he convinced Darcy to seduce* Spinner?)

*If "seduction" is defined as "blubbering in the woods like a tool." Nothing makes a guy feel more desirable than WEEPING while he touches you!

Anyway, I'd like to pour out a 40 oz. of Labatt's for our homie, JT. I hope heaven has a hot tub. A hot tub in which he may fart with impunity.

P.S. I miss Ellie's journalist boyfriend. He was like a hotter Zach Braff! Also, the way he constantly called her "Freshman" was so S&M.

P.P.S. Toby finally got some tonight! JT's already pumped Liberty and Meatball Sub full of jizz, so Toby deserves at least a little heavy smooching.

Posted by Diablo Cody at January 26, 2007 9:43 PM

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