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The Last of the Famous International Playgirls

I got a call from Playboy today, but sadly, they expressed no interest in aquiring nude photos of me. If only they knew what they were missing!

This is me, epitomizing the Playboy ideal. First of all, Hef reveres the "girl next door" archetype. What could be more wholesome than a young(ish) woman in the kitchen, the very nerve center of the domestic sphere? (Also, note the Xanax and Buspar next to the sink.)

Secondly, Playboy portraiture skews dreamy and artistic, rather than vulgar or obvious. What am I thinking? Am I contemplating something profound, or am I merely enjoying the breeze? My heart is an ocean of secrets.

Thirdly, Playmates must have cleavage. I am obviously sporting ample cleavage here. Look, I even have a tasteful tattoo on my cleavage!

(This photo was taken with my new minicam. I can't figure out why it looks like an oil painting, Maybe the camera was so taken with my classical beauty that it automatically applied a painterly filter. Or maybe I accidentally got lube on the lens ALREADY.)

ETA:

Shaft of Heavenly Light says: "YOU COULD BLIND SOMEONE WITH THAT ASS. GET A MYSTIC TAN OR SOMETHING!"

(That celestial phenomenon is getting an attitude!)

Posted by Diablo Cody at January 22, 2007 8:11 PM

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