Soda Review: Pepsi Summer Mix

I went to Pavilions on Melrose and Rossmore late last night, in search of Rit dye for my Jessica Simpson hairpiece. This is the sort of thing I do when the spiders and heat have driven me from my apartment into the ample, surgically contoured bosom of Hollywood.

As I approached the checkout line, I noticed Pepsico's latest seasonal disgusting beverage rollout: Summer Mix, a "tropical fruit-flavored cola." No way can this taste good I thought to myself. Pepsi Jazz is the devil's semen. But of course, I bought some.

Here's a shocker: Pepsi Summer Mix is awesome. It tastes like clear Lifesavers. The tropical flavor isn't too cloying, despite the fact that this is a full-power, non-diet, tooth-eroding Pepsi product. Summer Mix even smells good, like a stripper's tit. This is the kind of thing you'd want to drink at a block party in Chicago while your neighbor grills Hebrew Nationals and your grandma smokes a Lark. And I know I usually snark on Pepsi's hideous quickie package designs, but I'm feeling too charitable to mention that the logo looks like a fifth grader named Amberleigh did it in KidPix. And accidentally leaned on the "Swoops n' Scallops" hot key.

Check out that Flash page to which I linked. Look at the chick in the foreground. I guess they're marketing this shit to the manly, high-breasted lovechild of Halle Berry and EJay Day.

My ability to retain the names of obscure American Idol also-rans is ridiculous.