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Candy Review: Carnival Flavors Skittles

As you all know, nothing gets me torqued like the phrase "Limited Edition" plastered on a candy wrapper or soda bottle. It appeals to my craving for both sugar and novelty. I am but a changeling by nature, and my palate demands alternate tunings. Yeah, candy is good.

Earlier today, whilst picking up some Kraft Dinner and Gatorade for lunch, I noticed this glossy yellow sleeve looking tres fuckable in the checkout lane:

Note: bag is already empty.

I might be the only person over the age of 10 who actually likes fake bubble gum and cotton candy- flavor. (I still eat bubble gum ice cream when the spirit moves me.) So these actually looked tasty to me, rather than just novel. In addition to the aforementioned gum and fairy floss, these also come in Green Slushy, Red Licorice, and the reverie-inducing Candy Apple.

Lemme tell you, I could eat an entire bag comprised solely of Candy Apple Skittles. I used to date a guy in high school who felt the same way about Juicy Pear Jelly Bellies. He also liked hand jobs. On the candy subject, we used to go to one of those stores in the mall where they have bins of stale jelly beans that have been grazed by a thousand ilicit fingerprints. He'd get a big bag of Juicy Pears and then we'd go back to his house and have a hand job party.

Anyway, the other flavors were good too. The licorice was deliciously confusing; my brain screamed "Licorice!" while my tooth enamel countered with "Skittle!" The Green Slushy flavor was intriguing, because what does green taste like? It was like that scene in Mask where Eric Stoltz is all, (muffled voice) "This is what colors feel like, blind girl!" And he puts a hot potato in her hand, and she's like "I get it, Rocky! I think I understand!" Two minutes of creative cognitive therapy, and she gets it. Awesome. By the way, Green Slushy tastes like sour apple. Skittles, I think I understand.

I want another bag of these already. All I've consumed in the last few days is junk food and whiskey.

Carnival Flavor Skittles: Three and three-quarters stars (Star Search system)

Posted by Diablo Cody at June 22, 2007 1:39 PM

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