Gum Review: Orbit Mint Mojito

Finally, a gum that addresses my very specific demographic: trendy, drunk, Mexico-adjacent garnish enthusiasts who consider fresh breath a priority!

I don't normally chew gum, because I'm so high-strung I have a tendency to chomp the wad aggressively. (Not only is this gauche, but I wake up with an aching jaw the next day. And everyone knows the only good reason for an aching jaw; gum it ain't.) However, I had to try this stuff. I like mojitos, like every woman between the age of 22 and 45. It's a cocktail that smacks of privilege; you can't buy a bottled, prefab mojito at the Kum n' Go. One must have freshly muddled mint on hand. All the elements sound so precious: Light rum. Sugar. Sparkling water. It sounds like a drink that should only be consumed by people whose whites stay white.

Therefore, I had to try Orbit's attempt to distill the essence of a mojito into a dry square of resin and glycerin. As I first caressed the gum with my teeth, the flavor was minty, mild. A second chew triggered the lime action. My mouth flooded with grateful saliva. The third chew intensified the lime and added notes of...rum? Seriously? Maybe I imagined it.

All around, a satisfying and delicious chew. P.S. Keep sugarless gum away from your dogs. I found Barnabas trying to eat a piece of this gum after I left it unattended. I pried it from his jaws and checked online; sure enough, Xylitol kills 'em dead.

(I was at a meeting last week with a rosebud-lipped ingenue and she ordered a virgin mojito. I had no idea that could be done. I would never do such a thing, but if you're inclined to keep your edge, give it a try.)