Justin Bieber, Marilyn Manson: the next Conan sidekicks?

Categories: Lists

It's tricky to pick out a good band leader/sidekick for your late-night comedy show. On the one hand, it's important not to get a simpering sycophant like Kevin Eubanks, who recently quit the Tonight Show 18 years too late for our taste:

But it's also important not to pick someone like Max Weinberg, who as a goodbye stab-in-the-back to his boss Conan, reportedly approached Leno about replacing Eubanks.

So who should Conan's new musical sidekick be? Here's our short list:

Marilyn Manson

marilyn-manson-mechanical-animals-front.jpg
Heeeere's Manson!
What better way to spice up a talk show than a Satanic metal musician sitting in the corner ripping out power chords to punctuate punchlines? And Manson's career has been dead since the turn of the millennium, so we know he hasn't got anything better to do. Plus, he's actually a fairly likeable, intelligent, and funny guy in person with some real acting credits under his belt, so you know he wouldn't just giggle at everything Conan says, nor would he woodenly read off the teleprompter like Weinberg.

Animal


File-Animal_bluebackground.jpg
He's out of control

Let's face it: having a drummer who made his name in an iconic classic rock group for a bandleader did kind of set a precedent for Conan. And since most of Weinberg's more notable '70s peers are either more famous than Conan (Ringo Starr), antisocial (Ginger Baker), dead (John Bonham; Keith Moon) or Canadian objectivists (Neil Peart), that leaves the deranged, cymbal-eating Muppet as one of the better options. Just imagine Conan tossing off one of his absurd one-liners during his monologue, then having the camera cut to Animal's response, which will inevitably involve a deranged stare and that weird caveman laugh of his. If anything, it should at least foster some redhead solidarity.

Justin Bieber


Admit it, Conan. You might have a loyal following, but getting people to turn into TBS is almost impossible. That's why you need a pick up perhaps the greatest sensation of 2010: Justin Bieber. Who can resist that baby face? Just imagine his wind-swept hair-do flowing back and forth as the pre-teen slams on those drums. The girls will be screaming, Bieber's voice will be cracking, and you'll be the soaring past Leno in no time. He'll probably turn really ugly and get a pizza face eventually, so just give me a short contract to get you through the rough start. And what the heck, he can actually play the drums for real!


My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest

Now Trending

Minnesota Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...