Last week, the New York Times
told the world everything it needed to know about the dating scene in Minnesota. While they totally hit it out of the park, the reality is that your chances of finding love (or at least a sloppy weekend hookup) aren't limited to hipster hangouts and Big Buck Hunter.
Yes, some people were offended by the horrible stereotypes that the NYT leveled on us, but the reality is that some stereotypes just happen to be true. That's why this week we're giving you a rundown of the top 10 ladies you've most likely dated, warned a friend about, or at least unsuccessfully tried to take home from the CC Club after a hot night of PBR and Game of Thrones innuendo.
(Ladies, we didn't forget about you. Keep your eyes peeled for our top 10 guys list next Thursday.)
LOL at this New York Times article about the Minneapolis dating scene
By the middle of your first date, all your friends know everything there is to know about her, as she is constantly updating her online status. Getting ready to head out? Snap a selfie! Having a drink before dinner? Instagram it! Interesting convo with a dude she's been dating less than a week? Live tweet! She likely works in sales, PR, or as a self-employed hair stylist, which explains her outgoing personality. Because of her well-connected online friend-base she's always popping up at the biggest parties, concerts, or wherever L.A. Nik
happens to be hanging out for the evening. Regardless of whether or not it works out between you guys, you'll always know what's new in her world because she never unfriends anyone, making it easy for you to creep on her hot friends (or L.A. Nik).
Don't even say the word "nightclub" around her. The Lady Bro is as Minnesotan as they come, meaning she's all about hot dish, hockey, and hunting. She'll be an immediate hit with all of your regular bros, thanks to her ability to throw down whiskey and make raunchier dick jokes than you knew existed. On the flipside, your friends' girlfriends probably can't stand her because she isn't on Pinterest and has no interest in dressing as a slutty anything for Halloween. This is an issue the Lady Bro has always faced, as she's quick to point out that she, "just gets along better with guys than girls." Oh, and don't even think about ordering a light beer when you two are watching the Vikings on Sunday Funday, unless you want to be called a pussy in front of an entire bar full of football fans by your girlfriend.
With a closet full of red and khaki, and an ever-present seasonal
beverage in her hand (pumpkin spice lattes for fall, peppermint cocoa in
winter, peach tea lemonade during the summer), the young professional
keeps her date nights limited to weekends, allowing her to keep weeknights free for happy hour with her co-workers. Her social scene is limited to the bars on Nicollet Mall, just in case she needs to run
back to the office, the exception being networking events and date parties with
her Junior League of Minneapolis sisters. Once you finally do see the inside of her place, get ready for an onslaught of decorative candles, framed
inspirational quotes, and pictures of her besties from college. Animal
haters need not apply, as the Young Professional typically has a little
dog that lords over her apartment, and keeps her company on those days
when she needs to work from home. Hooking up with a Young Professional
can be one of your more convenient relationships, unless you work
together, in which case the possible breakup could be dicey.
She might be 27 years old, but she's still the queen of the Thursday through Saturday party scene (a.k.a. the college weekend). If you've got energy to burn she's the right chick for you, as she is never going to voluntarily stay in for the night out of fear of missing something awesome. She's still a regular at the Dinkytown and First Avenue bars, where she takes great pride in knowing the bouncers' and bartenders' names. Don't bother trying to take her to a taproom or brewery tour, because if there isn't a jukebox with top-40 jams and Miller Lite on special, she isn't interested. Her wardrobe can be broken into three categories: Victoria's Secret Pink sweats for Monday through Wednesday, "going out" tops with maximum cleavage for Thursday through Saturday, and a pair of U of M basketball shorts that she wears all day Sunday while nursing a hangover. By the end of date four you'll know about every drinking-related injury she had in college, and you'll be begging to do a shot of anything but Bacardi Limon.