Ten Twin Cities ladies you've probably dated

Categories: Dating
10girlsyoudated2013KenAvidor.jpg
Ken Avidor
Last week, the New York Times told the world everything it needed to know about the dating scene in Minnesota. While they totally hit it out of the park, the reality is that your chances of finding love (or at least a sloppy weekend hookup) aren't limited to hipster hangouts and Big Buck Hunter.

Yes, some people were offended by the horrible stereotypes that the NYT leveled on us, but the reality is that some stereotypes just happen to be true. That's why this week we're giving you a rundown of the top 10 ladies you've most likely dated, warned a friend about, or at least unsuccessfully tried to take home from the CC Club after a hot night of PBR and Game of Thrones innuendo.

(Ladies, we didn't forget about you. Keep your eyes peeled for our top 10 guys list next Thursday.)

See also:
LOL at this New York Times article about the Minneapolis dating scene


TenGirlsyouDatedSocialMediaGal1.jpg
Ken Avidor
By the middle of your first date, all your friends know everything there is to know about her, as she is constantly updating her online status. Getting ready to head out? Snap a selfie! Having a drink before dinner? Instagram it! Interesting convo with a dude she's been dating less than a week? Live tweet! She likely works in sales, PR, or as a self-employed hair stylist, which explains her outgoing personality. Because of her well-connected online friend-base she's always popping up at the biggest parties, concerts, or wherever L.A. Nik happens to be hanging out for the evening. Regardless of whether or not it works out between you guys, you'll always know what's new in her world because she never unfriends anyone, making it easy for you to creep on her hot friends (or L.A. Nik).

TenGirlsyouDatedLadyBro2.jpg
Ken Avidor
Don't even say the word "nightclub" around her. The Lady Bro is as Minnesotan as they come, meaning she's all about hot dish, hockey, and hunting. She'll be an immediate hit with all of your regular bros, thanks to her ability to throw down whiskey and make raunchier dick jokes than you knew existed. On the flipside, your friends' girlfriends probably can't stand her because she isn't on Pinterest and has no interest in dressing as a slutty anything for Halloween. This is an issue the Lady Bro has always faced, as she's quick to point out that she, "just gets along better with guys than girls." Oh, and don't even think about ordering a light beer when you two are watching the Vikings on Sunday Funday, unless you want to be called a pussy in front of an entire bar full of football fans by your girlfriend.

TenGirlsyouDatedYoungProfessional3.jpg
Ken Avidor
With a closet full of red and khaki, and an ever-present seasonal beverage in her hand (pumpkin spice lattes for fall, peppermint cocoa in winter, peach tea lemonade during the summer), the young professional keeps her date nights limited to weekends, allowing her to keep weeknights free for happy hour with her co-workers. Her social scene is limited to the bars on Nicollet Mall, just in case she needs to run back to the office, the exception being networking events and date parties with her Junior League of Minneapolis sisters. Once you finally do see the inside of her place, get ready for an onslaught of decorative candles, framed inspirational quotes, and pictures of her besties from college. Animal haters need not apply, as the Young Professional typically has a little dog that lords over her apartment, and keeps her company on those days when she needs to work from home. Hooking up with a Young Professional can be one of your more convenient relationships, unless you work together, in which case the possible breakup could be dicey.

TenGirlsyouDatedCollegeClinger4.jpg
Ken Avidor
She might be 27 years old, but she's still the queen of the Thursday through Saturday party scene (a.k.a. the college weekend). If you've got energy to burn she's the right chick for you, as she is never going to voluntarily stay in for the night out of fear of missing something awesome. She's still a regular at the Dinkytown and First Avenue bars, where she takes great pride in knowing the bouncers' and bartenders' names. Don't bother trying to take her to a taproom or brewery tour, because if there isn't a jukebox with top-40 jams and Miller Lite on special, she isn't interested. Her wardrobe can be broken into three categories: Victoria's Secret Pink sweats for Monday through Wednesday, "going out" tops with maximum cleavage for Thursday through Saturday, and a pair of U of M basketball shorts that she wears all day Sunday while nursing a hangover. By the end of date four you'll know about every drinking-related injury she had in college, and you'll be begging to do a shot of anything but Bacardi Limon.
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64 comments
mz92
mz92

Hey hey now...  I'm a feminist and I thought this was pretty hilarious. Especially after reading the 10 guys one (which I actually found to be more accurate.. but who knows).

whatev
whatev

Dear feminists: Ever heard of satire? Men will get a similar post here next week, and I don't think you'll see a single one of them complain.  Lighten the eff up.

whatev
whatev

Dear feminists: Ever heard of satire?  The men will get theirs here next week too...

morganne.napoleoni
morganne.napoleoni

Well, this was better than the NY Times write up...  Which isn't saying much.

curtis.e.katherine
curtis.e.katherine

Unless you intend to write an article SOON about the "10 Minnesota Guys You've Probably Dated," this article is flat out rude. Unless you plan to equally stereotype both parties involved in dating, you're putting out that all women can be easily measured/classified and understood, while men can't be. 

Mayo
Mayo

People in Minneapolis need to lighten up and be able to take a joke. 

Mayo
Mayo

People in Minneapolis need to lighten up and be able to take a joke. 

minnesnota
minnesnota

All the women who are pissed off about this article are just mad because they think they are above the stereotypes here, but they aren't.  Some may be a combination of them, but they definitely fit.  And the ones that are really pissed off are the ones who identified themselves and are ashamed of what category they fit into....

StinkySteve
StinkySteve

Twin City girls, don't worry - we still love you. Please stay exactly the way you are.

Geoff Gurak
Geoff Gurak

"10 Different Types of Women that The Author Has Been Dumped By In His Lifetime"

Brandy Gile
Brandy Gile

I think this is absolutely hilarious-I'm alittle of all of these gals but I've known each one of them! All so true! LMAO!!!

kmr586
kmr586

born and raised in the cities, and NONE of these stereotypes fit me. 

Leslie Foster-Huot
Leslie Foster-Huot

The title is messed. It seems like city pages is unaware that girls read city pages.

tornadotongue976
tornadotongue976

I noticed a lot of women were offended. Just wait til they have the male version of this...But they forgot about the girl that gives guys here number, then after the guy attempts to call her or go on a date...she indicates that she's kinda seeing someone, or was really drunk and didnt want to hurt your feelings by saying "no" to your request for her number...

Lilli Post
Lilli Post

"Uhg! Girls with personalities and interests are just so pretentious and slutty!" - City Pages

professorbc
professorbc

Am I the only one who thought it was going to be a list of 10 actual girls that have dated tons of men?

truckmeyer
truckmeyer

You forgot the "husband hunter."

She just stepped into the club from the gym and the salon somehow simultaneously. Helmet hair and nails immaculate. Body by treadmill. Her teeth are bleached, and her skin is tanned. She could walk out of the club and right into the chapel. Just give her a minute to pull the wedding dress from hook on the back of her bedroom door.

When she approches, you can almost literally hear the alarm on her biological clock clanging. She has a tight itinerary, and you are late.

Don't buy her a drink unless there's an engagement ring at the bottom of the glass.

Speaking of rings...no nooky until there's one on her finger. This is for two reasons: to trap a man, and she stopped taking the pill to get a jump on baby making.

She is dating multiple dudes simultaneously, and the chump who proposes first is the one she really wants.

She is the messy divorce of your nightmares.

Rick Miller
Rick Miller

And number 11-The broke, unemployed, gold digger

twinsnumber16
twinsnumber16

The one I did see as pretty spot on was the Prodigal gal.  Other than that, most people are all a mixture of those other things. 

ThatGirl
ThatGirl

But what about the Career Girls who enjoy sports and beer and went to the U and dress well and go for moderate runs every day? 

Satire is only funny if it starts with a grain of truth.

misselmcity
misselmcity

Wow- how offensive and disgusting City Pages! The illustrations too!

Jen Crowder
Jen Crowder

Actual shit article. 100% actual shit.

digitalprotocol
digitalprotocol topcommenter

great creative piece CP


career girls are the worst. who fucking likes JOBS - these types will be ruined at age 45


fuck work - burn it down

skywalker
skywalker

I'm too old to have dated social media girl. You left out scenester girl, who knows all the bands and goes out every weekend night (and some weekdays).

Bobbi Miller
Bobbi Miller

jesus. what a pathetic excuse for an "article".

BSmit
BSmit

Hey, you forgot one more stereotype based on the comments below:  People who don't get satire.

Vance Palodichuk
Vance Palodichuk

Pretty sure the Young Professional is writing her suicide note on her phone.

DoubleJNow
DoubleJNow

LOL LOL - can you do a Ten Guys You've Probably Dated in the Twin Cities please!?!?!

Holly Green
Holly Green

I think this is hilarious! Can't wait for "Guys You've Probably Dated" next Thursday!

mtthffmn
mtthffmn

This is funny to me. I can see why some people wouldn't find it funny - Most of those people need to lighten up.

Do one for the dudes!

Carla Mayer
Carla Mayer

For women they left out the 40+ yr old Zooey Deschanel wannabes.

Matthew Martin
Matthew Martin

I haven't dated all these types but many of my friends are like this. City Pages, make one for the men. Only seems fair, right?

debpias
debpias

Sooooouhhhh.....you forgot the category where the girl is made up by parts of all of these separate categories. Also known as "any average woman."

chunkyjones
chunkyjones

@curtis.e.katherine you're putting out that all women can be easily measured/classified and understood, while men can't be. .............no one wrote about men. You're assuming. Sit down, take a load off, that chip on your shoulder must weigh a ton. angry much? Why does your heart cry so?

swerts26
swerts26

@Vicenta Del Carmen Valero get a sense of humor

digitalprotocol
digitalprotocol topcommenter

@Jen Crowder lemme guess - you are the career girl - the most insufferable of all the cliches

digitalprotocol
digitalprotocol topcommenter

@skywalker scenester chicks are annoying good call tho

digitalprotocol
digitalprotocol topcommenter

@calenti i have a job...just dont think it defines me or is important whatesoever.

jobs are a scam

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