The greatest (and final) Holidazzle drinking game ever

Categories: Holidays
Target_Holidazzle_2011_photo_credit_Patrick_Kelley_Worldwide_Photography_12.jpg
Patrick Kelley Worldwide Photography
Well shit. We heard the news a couple of months ago, but now it's starting to feel real. This
season is the Holidazzle's final march down Nicollet Mall.

For 22 years, families from all over the Twin Cities have emerged from their suburban cocoons and made the trek downtown, braving cold, crowds, and crazy traffic in order to catch a glimpse of a giant lit-up snowman doing doughnuts in the street. There are only eight Holidazzles this holiday season (Friday and Saturday from November 29 through December 21), which means there's only one way to celebrate the end of a time-honored holiday tradition: booze.

Before you cram your body into the yuletide masses this weekend, pop over to Brit's and get one of their spiked hot drinks (or grab your flask; it is the holidays, after all), and take one final trip through the brightly lit, boozy world with our Holidazzle drinking game.

Every time the parade is stopped for an angry driver who didn't get the memo: 3-second pull.

This is one of the silent joys of Holidazzle. It's been going on for 22 YEARS, people. Every single weekend during the holidays. Yet somehow, every year some dude decides to get all Hans Gruber (the greatest villain in holiday history, BTW), and drive his or her Taurus right through the heart of some serious neon memories. While they get pissed, you get drunk. Bonus points if they get in an argument with a cop in the process.

Inflatable light bulb falls over: Social drink.


There are a ton of kiddos who volunteer for the parade, and those suits can be heavy. The (adorable) result? Falling light bulbs everywhere. It's guaranteed you'll see at least one light bulb crash and burn each night, but with so much potential we eased up on the drinking. Social drinking while kids fall down? That's the Holidazzle way.

Glow necklace vendor drops an F-bomb: Finish your drink.


The street vendors (who we assume live in the sewers like the Foot Clan from Ninja Turtles during the other 11 months of the year) will be out in full force, selling inflatable hammers, glowing princess crowns, and other garbage that you will inevitably "accidentally" throw in the trash by the following weekend. The one thing these dudes do not take into consideration, however, is how f'ing cold it is standing out there selling crap to strangers. Watch for the inappropriately dressed, freezing cold vendors to drop at least one "fuck this cold!" during the parade, and watch the faces of horrified kids from Wayzata light up brighter than the glowing snowman. Oh, speaking of which...

Snowman breaks down in the street: Slam drink for the time it takes volunteers to fix it or drag him off the course.

This is a sucker's bet. That thing breaks down like 19 times a year -- even if there are only eight parades.

Prince shows up as the Grand Marshal: Buy out the bar, take a cab to Paisley Park, wait patiently for further instructions.

The dude has done like 37 shows around town already this year, is it that far-fetched to think we might see him riding the light-up sleigh with Santa? Long shot? Yes. Impossible? Probably. THE GREATEST IDEA EVER, AND THE MOST FITTING END TO HOLIDAZZLE EVER CONCOCTED? Definitely. Your move, Purple Man.

We'll miss you, Holidazzle.

IF YOU GO:

Holidazzle Parade
Friday & Saturday night, Nov. 29 - Dec. 21
Free
More information here

Location Info

Venue

Map

Nicollet Mall

800 Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis, MN

Category: General

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24 comments
Teena Bernett
Teena Bernett

We were just at the Holidazzle. Decided it shouldn't end. We're starting a FB page to keep it going... that should do the trick.

Tammy Lloyd Gasperlin
Tammy Lloyd Gasperlin

Damn!! I have a very fond memory of taking the train from Elk River with 2 full flasks, getting hot chocolate at Caribou and watching the parade! Got my drink on and got a ride home with friends with a stop off for more drinks and some Christmas Karoake!!!

Dan Mason
Dan Mason

Finally City Pages does some real reporting.

JoAnn White
JoAnn White

I only needed one wanderer, haven't been since they closed.

Joel O'Brien
Joel O'Brien

I'm glad it's almost done. There is no reason for all that clutter

Sarah Anthony
Sarah Anthony

I won't miss the stuffy Caribou hot coco line.

mud4x4racer
mud4x4racer

To you whiners : Hope that's your car in the ditch buried in the snow,thanks to a little nudge from karma. Merry Christmas

Peewee Dread
Peewee Dread

wont miss it that much - pales in comparison to the fun of mardi gras and seems to be a much of a traffic nuisance - but like the metrodome it imploded - but it was an Icon in mn , I still won't miss it that much

Shawn Taylor
Shawn Taylor

imagine a regular parade, in the dark. The floats have lights on them, and it is freezing cold outside. And to top it off. The parade stops for every red light.

Shawn Taylor
Shawn Taylor

It would be one thing if it was once during the winter season, but not every weekend leading up to Christmas.

Amber Rose
Amber Rose

The point of Holidazzle, was to bring people to downtown. So its busy for a few hours... Deal with it! So people bring their kids, duh... family traditions. Lets try to complain less.

Jacob Walter
Jacob Walter

Cazzie, Sara, and Erik this kinda sounds like an interesting time.

theoko
theoko

Oh come on people!  Grow some balls and play the only worthwhile drinking game while watching Holidazzle: one shot for every Christmas lightbulb that goes by.  "That guy who died of alcohol poisoning" will permanently be seared for life into the holiday memories of many a child of Blaine.

Kent Erickson
Kent Erickson

I agree with James. Good riddance to the Holidazzle that disrupts downtown during those times. Sucks if you work downtown and have to deal with the stroller patrols everywhere. Wont miss it one bit.

James Cowart
James Cowart

i hate trying to cross nicollete when this is going on.. oh ill be smart and take the skyways! nope.. every soccer mom in the 5 county area is there with 80 kids... ugh.

Shawn Taylor
Shawn Taylor

I went once and that was enough for me! Not a fan of parades that stop for every red light.

Joel Holden
Joel Holden

Some of those are pretty detailed and difficult to remember, I'll go with the age-old...."THERE'S A FLOAT!" DRINK

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