Super Bowl Sunday: A drinking game for non-sports fanatics
|Bruno Mars by Tony Nelson, beer via greencolander, football via Torsten Bolten|
Take a sip or a hearty swig:
Any time time you see 1st and [number] and have no idea what that means.
Every time they cut to a shirtless guy covered in body paint screaming like he's giving birth.
Any time they show the temperature at the stadium or reference it.
Every time you see a coach who looks like he's about to burst a blood vessel.
Whenever a sportscaster makes a bad pun.
For every shot of a scantily dressed cheerleader valiantly trying to pretend she's not freezing.
If there's any mention of the Manning (Eli and Peyton) legacy.
If you can't remember who sang the National Anthem or played the halftime show last year.
Whenever there's a "sexy" commercial about a non-sexy product (hello, GoDaddy.com).
Every time a commercial makes you go "awww." (Then take a moment to remember it's just a commercial, and you'll be seeing it on TV for the next six months.)
Whenever they show a shot of the NYC skyline (switch to chips if this gets to be too much).
What do pyrotechnics and acrobatics have to do with "Just the Way You Are" or "The Lazy Song"? Take a swig for every gratuitous example of stage shenanigans during the halftime show.
If you can spot the songs where the backing track kicks up to cover any real vocals.
Any time you spot a Facebook post from someone bragging about not watching the Super Bowl. Congrats. You are forever alone.
Take a shot every time you spot a Hollywood celeb in town to root for their team (or garner publicity for being there).
Regardless of whether or not they mention the "wardrobe malfunction," take a shot for Janet Jackson's boob. It was 10 years ago today that a split-second flash of semi-covered breast apparently destroyed the entire nation's sense of modesty.
Take a shot (or crack open a non-craft beer) every time they show a Budweiser horse.
Toast any time a sportscaster tells a dramatic narrative about any of the players or coaches. Finish your drink if they tie in the game and how he plays as a metaphor for working through those life obstacles.
Steal a chicken wing (or any other item of food) from a friend's plate if Macklemore shows up. (Hey -- he's from Seattle, just like the Seahawks.)
Sober time/time to refill your plate:
Whenever a ref makes a call that no one at your party understands or can explain and must now intensely debate.
Nod knowingly and take a break any time they cut to someone in the crowd looking as bored as you are.