Test your knowledge about Sochi's Olympic opening ceremonies
The lead-up to Sochi was filled with dire signs that Putin's games were doomed. The toilets are weird! There's no Chobani! They're butchering thousands of dogs! My honey packet had a bee in it!
And so a breathless public tuned in to minutely scrutinize the opening ceremony, waiting for disaster, narrated by hosts Meredith Vieira and Matt Lauer. What do you remember? Test yourself.
1. Bob Costas had pink eye. How many athletes had pink eye?
A. 3 percent
B. 35 percent
C. 78 percent
D. 98 percent
2. During the opening video montage, were you surprised that Russia:
A. Invented the television.
B. Invented the Dirt Devil.
C. Invented hard candy.
D. Invented sprinklers.
3. The montage, which used the Cyrillic alphabet to list the names of famous Russian artists and inventions, was confusing to many. At what point did you finally figure out that the producers were not just screwing up their regular western ABCs?
A. The whole time, baby.
B. Right after my Dad told me to shut up and stop laughing at the Russians.
C. Never. I can recognize a Cyrillic alphabet in my sleep.
D. That was an alphabet?
4. During the opening video montage, what did host Meredith Vieira not say:
A. "Those corn mowing machine aren't drawn to scale, Matt."
B. "What kind of name is Tchaikovsky, Matt?"
C. "We still haven't seen the dashboard cam, Matt."
D. "I'm sorry, but having 'parachute' for P is amateur hour, Matt."
5. True/false: Meredith fell off her chair when she saw "Space Station" under the letter O.
6. In your opinion, should the tiny, adorable fifth-grade girl have soared much higher into the air given the size and breadth of the arena and her oft-reported fearlessness? Explain.
7. Quite a few columnists, like Slate's Simon Doonan, have called Sochi's opening ceremony "the gayest ever." Can you elaborate without your answer going viral?
8. Did you see a drone or an X-Wing zooming around the floating land masses? If not, explain. It seemed like such a good opportunity.
9. True/false: Russia has enough goddamn bioregions.