The 10 worst places in Minneapolis

Categories: Lists
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Summertime in Minneapolis -- what could be better? You can ride your bike to the farmers market, drink a summer shandy on the beach, and maybe buy a T-shirt that says "I [PICTURE OF MN] MINNEAPOLIS" in huge letters to show the world your unbridled passion for the greatest city of all time. (Locally printed by an aspiring EDM artist or some shit, of course.)

All right, now it's time to get your organic ice-cream cone smashed in your sunburned face by reality: It's not all smiles here in Minneapolis. Regardless of the shining sun and typically temperate weather, sometimes this place still totally sucks. Rather than having your summer delusions ruined, we'd like to help you avoid some of the city's most disturbing and festering hellholes by presenting you with a list of the 10 worst places in Minneapolis, in no particular order.

See also:
50 reasons we love summer in Minnesota


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bradleypjohnson
10. The intersection of Hennepin Avenue and Lake Street

People don't understand that the most dangerous part of Minneapolis is actually this intersection and the nearby blocks after 10 p.m. Thursday to Sunday. This is the place where you will get shoulder-checked by a dude in a crisp, button-up white shirt because you got too close to him as you tried to sidestep some glittery vomit. Make it past the first boss of this sinister level and you'll probably be hit by a car and then called a homophobic insult after it happens. It's too bad we can't just lock all of these people up on the outdoor patios and keep them there until they start eating each other.
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Wendy
The shortest skyway ever?
9. The Skyways

Whatever happened to secret passageways being gateways to awesome dungeons or, at the very least, being home to an oily brigade of anarchist mutants? In Minneapolis, what should be one the coolest and most progressive parts of the city turns out to be a confusing labyrinth reminiscent of a Brooklyn Center mall -- only you don't get to throw shopping carts down an escalator or get eaten by a minotaur. Plus, it allows already awkward and shy Minnesotans an opportunity to avoid any chance of interacting with the average proletariat on the street -- the people who have no business inside the tunnel of solitude as they're not searching for designer clothes or a $75 haircut.

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Jeramey Jannene
8. Dinkytown

Dinkytown was always plagued by chest-beating bros and two-shot wasteoids tripping over each other, but at least at some point there were places to hang out at that you weren't ashamed to be seen in. Whatever character was hardly in Dinkytown to begin with is now rapidly being fed to demons and transformed into one of the three major drugstores or a corporate sandwich shop. Seeing as how half the people who move to Minneapolis for school come from rural areas where people navigate according to where the Walmart is, it's fairly fitting to witness the area cruelly shapeshift into a giant strip mall in central Ohio.

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365 comments
brianjpcampbell
brianjpcampbell

So sad about Dinkytown. Al's Breakfast is the only iconic one left. Used to work at Jersey Joes in the late seventies during my U of M days. Met my wife at the original Perry's Pizza. Now it's all "faked up" and commercialized. No high touch, originality or neuonce(sp?) left.

Matt Spazmatic
Matt Spazmatic

Yeah skyways are fucking stupid when it's negative forty... dumb asses.

Dirbyduckett
Dirbyduckett

Who writes this stuff? Man this article sucks. It's neither entertaining nor informative. 

aacostacub
aacostacub

Before you blast the writer ask yourself, "have I lived anywhere else besides the Northern Midwest?" If not you should probably be quite. Minneapolis is an ugly, boring, closed off city encased in ice. Over 70 days with negative degree temperature last year. Oh, and winter is just around the corner. Enjoy freezing again. 

billc
billc

In the dictionary under "Pretentious Fuckstick", there is a picture of Drew Ailes.   Shits like you are the reason I avoid that whole god damned hellhole of a city in the first place.

whyioughta2
whyioughta2

And speaking of dead and soul-less, well, that would be this article, wouldn't it?  No effort, just a deadline?  Is that what this was about?

Shane J. Pinske
Shane J. Pinske

Best thing Block E had was the free Smashing Pumpkins concert..all downhill after

Nora Norby
Nora Norby

Come on, Block E is number one and KMart on Nicollet is #2. You can't develop hip and cool and you shouldn't end an importatn street at a discount store. We all know this!

Nicole Guiseofazinger
Nicole Guiseofazinger

Yup, used to walk home from work near #1 after 10pm and past #3 a few blocks... #survivor

runner9225
runner9225

This is neither wit nor humor. The author must have had a horrible childhood. I'm suspecting he was abused or rejected by his mother. He was also probably a nerdy kid in highschool and was constantly bullied by the jocks.

lukas1234
lukas1234

Gawd - single page view option already. No one cares about your extra page views. Just sell on time page instead.

jfzellie
jfzellie

You have a list of 10 uncomfortable spots, I could easily make a list of 100 spots so dangerous ISIS wouldn't even attack it here in LA, Check out beautiful Watts on a Saturday night at about 11:30, 

Samantha Wroe
Samantha Wroe

Rhonda Jillian Justine \U0001f602\U0001f602 laughing so hard because as I'm reading these I'm picturing myself at every location (except the golden valley one) and experiencing everything they're saying. \U0001f633\U0001f621\U0001f629

Monique Bizzell
Monique Bizzell

They forgot to write the bad parts of the North side on that list it's worst then all of them

Warrantedspite
Warrantedspite

I'd say the Board of Education for the Minneapolis Public Schools is the most affectually dead spot in town. No, the schools are mostly dynamic and the staff and students are as good as any anywhere. But Dr. Johnson, the school board, and the unions are impotent imposters in their new, state of the art hiding place.

Thako Harris
Thako Harris

Spot on. That piece about the lines disappearing and reappearing...so good! K-Mart?! Perfect. I read this awhile ago. Still makes me chuckle.

dylan.rouse
dylan.rouse

Oh my gosh this is on of the funniest things I've ever read. I hopersonally the writer sees this and can give me tips on writing for my college newspaper! #bemidjistate

Terra Grenade
Terra Grenade

I... LOVE Hidden Beach. Mainly for the Oxycodone dispenser.

Michael Roach
Michael Roach

Bitch. Bitch bitch that's all the city pages seems to do these days and God it's starting to get on my nerves

Keith Morris
Keith Morris

Ha! I missed the Central Ohio strip mall comment which I can attest is true: that part of Dinkytown looks just like a smaller version of OSU's Gateway area which is full of chains too. Lots of restaurants and bars on1st Ave and Uptown are devoid of character and are, quite fittingly, full of douchebags. You can be all but guarantee that throughout an entire Friday or Saturday night with the kind of crowd that flows in and out that there is never a moment where there isn't ruffies present within the walls of these establishments. The only one I disagree with is the Kmart on Nicollet: it has served as a successful traffic calming measure which is why I see way more people who are comfortable riding their bikes on Eat Street than Lyndale, Hennepin, and Lake combined. As for Hidden Beach: I haven't been yet so I have no opinion.

Brandon Daly
Brandon Daly

What do you know? Another negative, one-sided, pessimistic, and cynical TURD of an article pushed out the butthole of Drew Ailes. I think he is incapable of writing an article that has anything positive to say. I'm pretty sure he gets off on annoying people. Is this what City Pages has become? Again, I would much rather read "The 10 Coolest Places in Minneapolis" rather than listen to your whiny Myspace blog. Keep your lame ass opinions to yourself and JUST ONCE try to provide the world with something positive, enlightening, educational or FUN. You negative NANCY! Go jerk off with your tears.

Price Less Hunn
Price Less Hunn

John Bunch your soooooooo rt.....the hood call it "tramp camp".....I call it somewhere I don't want to be

Greg Hernandez
Greg Hernandez

I agree with #3 and #1, to a point but what an unnecessary and negative piece. A lesser city would be lucky to have any of these haunts. You think we could try not to make little effen rain clouds everywhere? Geeeeezus.

Denise Elsberry
Denise Elsberry

Disturbing article I don't ever remember any of those places that bad.. or even read about them that bad.. I would be comfortable in all those places, As I would in suburbs, I would not be wearing a 4 carat diamond ring anywhere. (if that makes the article more sound)..Where is Franklin Ave? Sorry on that one, I lock my doors.. and still have never ever had a episode on that street.. maybe I am just blessed or lucky.. I will take blessed..

Chris Porto
Chris Porto

You are missing out Mpls is a great place to live and visit. Every city has it's bad parts. I live two blocks from number 10. It is a great area to live in. I live it. But the author is spot on. All the D-bags come in from the burbs to get drunk on the weekends and make that intersection unbearable. But it's really just that 3 or 4 block area.

Steff Morgan
Steff Morgan

Why does everyone keep asking "who wrote this?" and "who writes this?"? His name is Drew Ailes. It's right fucking there, idiots.

Chris Porto
Chris Porto

I live two blocks from lake and Hennepin. A couple Saturdays ago some drunk d-bag was running down lake, throwing things into the street knocking over those plastic free paper deals into the street. (Like the ones that city pages uses). And when someone called him out he just yelled at them "enjoy being poor faggot!" Your criticism of that intersection on the weekends is spot on. I call it "the migration of the douche bags" on the weekends. Nice area to live otherwise. Just don't go out there Friday or Saturday night. A few blocks down does have some more chill bars d bag free.. Mostly

David Robinson
David Robinson

I love this. It's refreshing, and so much better than Rupar's writing.

Paula Johnson
Paula Johnson

Not one place mentioned would I describe as a "festering hellhole".

gdjohn52
gdjohn52

I can think of 10 worse places in North Minneapolis alone, But this chickenshit doesnt have the balls to even venture north, But then again city pages did this 

Jason Bakken
Jason Bakken

The K mart blocking Nicollet. Awesome. It is truly a gathering of shit holes. People who take offense with this are humorless dicks.

thebratprince001
thebratprince001

really? the biggest problem with block e and it's reason for closing was the cinema employees? i don't think that's at all the reason people stopped going down there. we all know why. it was like a jungle where you had to avoid being accosted, sold drugs and wasn't fun to watch the primitive mating rituals from the loiterers who had no reason to be there other than their bus stops were in the vicinity.

Peter DeMaio
Peter DeMaio

Great stuff. Especially the part about the skyways. Locals are all like "ERMAGERD SKERWERSS!!!" but theyre just dumb sidewalks in the sky that make downtown suck outside 9-5 on workdays.

Steve Rivera
Steve Rivera

Don't get me wrong. Shootings downtown and all that. But U have to be looking for trouble to find it. Yeah the fist pumping bros are annoying. Just steer clear

Andrea Sieve
Andrea Sieve

This is hilarious!!! People, lighten up. I've lived in Minneapolis for 11 years and this is a great list....especially the Lyndale/Hennepin/Walker traffic. Oh, and that damn K-Mart!! So funny....

Greg Rasmusson
Greg Rasmusson

He hit the nail on the head with this article my thoughts exactly.

Drew Dahms
Drew Dahms

He means the intersection, not the art center itself

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