The 10 worst places in Minneapolis

Categories: Lists
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Summertime in Minneapolis -- what could be better? You can ride your bike to the farmers market, drink a summer shandy on the beach, and maybe buy a T-shirt that says "I [PICTURE OF MN] MINNEAPOLIS" in huge letters to show the world your unbridled passion for the greatest city of all time. (Locally printed by an aspiring EDM artist or some shit, of course.)

All right, now it's time to get your organic ice-cream cone smashed in your sunburned face by reality: It's not all smiles here in Minneapolis. Regardless of the shining sun and typically temperate weather, sometimes this place still totally sucks. Rather than having your summer delusions ruined, we'd like to help you avoid some of the city's most disturbing and festering hellholes by presenting you with a list of the 10 worst places in Minneapolis, in no particular order.

See also:
50 reasons we love summer in Minnesota


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bradleypjohnson
10. The intersection of Hennepin Avenue and Lake Street

People don't understand that the most dangerous part of Minneapolis is actually this intersection and the nearby blocks after 10 p.m. Thursday to Sunday. This is the place where you will get shoulder-checked by a dude in a crisp, button-up white shirt because you got too close to him as you tried to sidestep some glittery vomit. Make it past the first boss of this sinister level and you'll probably be hit by a car and then called a homophobic insult after it happens. It's too bad we can't just lock all of these people up on the outdoor patios and keep them there until they start eating each other.
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Jim Winstead
9. The Skyways

Whatever happened to secret passageways being gateways to awesome dungeons or, at the very least, being home to an oily brigade of anarchist mutants? In Minneapolis, what should be one the coolest and most progressive parts of the city turns out to be a confusing labyrinth reminiscent of a Brooklyn Center mall -- only you don't get to throw shopping carts down an escalator or get eaten by a minotaur. Plus, it allows already awkward and shy Minnesotans an opportunity to avoid any chance of interacting with the average proletariat on the street -- the people who have no business inside the tunnel of solitude as they're not searching for designer clothes or a $75 haircut.

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Jeramey Jannene
8. Dinkytown

Dinkytown was always plagued by chest-beating bros and two-shot wasteoids tripping over each other, but at least at some point there were places to hang out at that you weren't ashamed to be seen in. Whatever character was hardly in Dinkytown to begin with is now rapidly being fed to demons and transformed into one of the three major drugstores or a corporate sandwich shop. Seeing as how half the people who move to Minneapolis for school come from rural areas where people navigate according to where the Walmart is, it's fairly fitting to witness the area cruelly shapeshift into a giant strip mall in central Ohio.


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421 comments
John Kerr
John Kerr

We all know that you spelled utter wrong the first time around.

John Kerr
John Kerr

Kali Logue. The skyways! They should be #1

Maloree Leslie Mullins
Maloree Leslie Mullins

Some of these places do suck, but I feel like the majority of them (even the sucky ones) have at least one good thing going for them. For instance, Dinkytown has the Varsity and Hidden beach has the mud pit. Plus, the skyways are fun when your baked with a friend. If you truly love living in Mpls like I do, you find something good about any part of it.

John Farley
John Farley

this is too easy, had no intention of going to any of these in my lifetime

Darren Montjar
Darren Montjar

I'm shocked they're still around. Considering they're no longer even local, take anything on this with a grain of salt.

Nik Papazois
Nik Papazois

The zippering concept is about as foreign to the average Minnesota driver as roundabouts! That mayhem only amplifies the chaos!

Zach Laskaris
Zach Laskaris

Places I Had Trouble Driving Around/Too, by Drew Ailes

robertalangerhart
robertalangerhart

What a prick.  Why report the news when you can just make up your pretentious drivel?

Loren Gibson
Loren Gibson

Nailed it! The best part about Minneapolis is your friends pads you can party and crash in. Other than that, I enjoyed my suburbs while there thank you very much.

Mare Anderson
Mare Anderson

You forgot the Schooner Bar and their filthy beer lines.

John Deiley
John Deiley

You should probably stop hiring sociopaths to take up page space.

Stefanie Megan Brown
Stefanie Megan Brown

I forgot how funny this is. More of this & less of the snark-ass music reviews. Fucking minotaurs, lol

Micah Walsh
Micah Walsh

I dunno, I was really planning on tripping balls with teenagers at hidden beach this weekend...

Corey Compardo
Corey Compardo

Far far far from the worst places in Minneapolis! Native projects, helping hands near north, sts work on the side of the freeways, the robust abandoned buildings and crime ridden neighbor hoods, etc

iain.stjames
iain.stjames

Sarcasm? Wit? It is filled with vile, hate and attacks not to mention 10 year old photos. Yeah this guy is misleading. This writer thinks writing for a major corporation masking itself as a local independant paper and being mean is witty. It shows not only his immaturity but his lack of journalistic integrity and respect. I think it is time he put away the porn and get out of his parents basement and understand social interaction with a range of society and stop being so judgemental.

Youngrichard Mason Naus
Youngrichard Mason Naus

I believe it, it was a pretty good article. I only disagree with like half of it, just the dissing the run down marginalized areas.

Pinko Thinker
Pinko Thinker

navigating that stretch is somewhat masochistic and a little disorienting, so that's not an inappropriate analogy at all.

Sooj Kumar
Sooj Kumar

People take drew too serious....he's a smartass dude

Eddie Phillips
Eddie Phillips

What a terribly written vile little story. Comeback Rupar all is forgiven?!

p0l6rb36r
p0l6rb36r

yeah the army surplus store run by psychos. i have yet been allowed to purchase anything there in 20 years...

Drew Ailes
Drew Ailes

my only interpretation of the term "zippering" has to do with s&m bondage sex

Lex Lambent
Lex Lambent

Lol @ the commentary. You clearly don't understand sarcasm, therefore this article wasn't written for you. Go read the Strib.

Joshua Fest
Joshua Fest

Yeaaaahhhh why you guys putting shade on your own city!?

Anthony Domencich
Anthony Domencich

The Shitty Pages found demselves actual writter....Nice work, Drew. Not at all insightful and yet horribly articulate and entertaining

Sue Wehling Hurst
Sue Wehling Hurst

I work downtown and at least 7 months out of the year I think the skyways are the greatest thing about downtown. When you work near the Govt Center and you need something at Target and it's 20 below, you're very happy Minneapolis has skyways.

Zeke Brian Dowd
Zeke Brian Dowd

I couldn't agree more about the cluster fuck of an intersection Hennepin/Lyndale/Walker (or Vineland) is! Personally, I can't stand the not-so-hidden-anymore Hidden Beach. It's lost its appeal when the mud pit add filled it, wood chips replaced what sand there was, and life guards became normal.

Den L Jackson
Den L Jackson

Jeepers, whats happened to the writing at City Pages? This is dribble.

Aaron Bjorge
Aaron Bjorge

FFS, if you put all the places in the list together you are almost telling people to avoid Minneapolis all together.

Aaron Bjorge
Aaron Bjorge

Every article i've seen lately has been some negative list about Minneapolis. Did someone not get what they wanted for Christmas?

John Bunch
John Bunch

I'll remember that when summer rolls around.

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