30 signs that your relationship is probably over in the Twin Cities

Categories: Dating

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Payton Chung

Imagine: You're about to go on another date with someone in the Twin Cities. Things haven't been going so great lately, but you're still not sure whether you should end it.

Need a little help? Here are 30 signs that your Twin Cities relationship might be dunzo.

See also:
The 10 worst places in Minneapolis

30. They get annoyed when you go to a brewpub and there's no Miller or Coors on tap.

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Get gritty with your friendly neighborhood rockers and punk friends
29. They think venues like the Turf Club and the Triple Rock Social Club are scary.

28. They think the Walker Art Center is weird. And not in a good way.

27. They have never been to an Uptown Theatre midnight movie, and only venture to Uptown to shop at Victoria's Secret and MAC.

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Wild times for folks both young and old beyond these doors. No, really!
26. They don't believe you when you tell them about your favorite karaoke hot spot, the James Ballentine VFW, or the riotous dance parties to be found... in the basement of that VFW.

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Lake Harriet? Or Lake Calhoun?
25. They don't know the difference between Lake Harriet and Lake Calhoun.

24. They helped paint over your kick-ass PBR mural without even telling you.

23. You see them at Cheap Date Night at Bryant-Lake Bowl with someone else.

22. They refuse to go outside during the winter, when there's so many great things to check out, such as the Art Shanties Project, U.S. Pond Hockey Tournament, the Saint Paul Winter Carnival, ice skating at Rice Park, and more. Not all of us are into winter nesting.

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Patty Grover
The annual Freedom From Pants Ride: Adorable yes, but not for kids.
21. They think bikes are for kids.

20. You live in Minneapolis, they live in St. Paul. That's sooo far away. The commute is killing you, and one of you needs to be willing to cross the river from time to time in order to hang out.

19. They've never been to Hidden Beach.

18. They got Kickstarter tickets to an ultra-exclusive dinner at Travail and they didn't take you.

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Tony Nelson
Young people: Go out there and have a messy blast.
17. You're both under 30 and they don't want to go to Zombie Pub Crawl/You're both over 30 and they want to go to Zombie Pub Crawl.

16. They have no interest in going to First Avenue.



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58 comments
Erin Darsow
Erin Darsow

Joe it's the City Pages, what else would you expect?

Joe Ubani
Joe Ubani

This is such a hipster list, it makes me sick. Glad I moved away. Quit trying to turn Minneapolis into even more of a hipster town.

rockpocket45
rockpocket45

My favorites:


Thinks the Twin Cities has a vibrant hip hop scene (omg, Dessa!!)


Thinks the Twin Cities has a vibrant art scene (omg, Art a Whirl!!)


Is a foodie and thinks James Beard is the nickname of the guy behind the bar.


Is a foodie and thinks a James Beard Best Chef Midwest award is a national prize.


Qualifies everything with a "per capita" -- e.g., most theater per capita, most art per captia, most interesting per capita.


You missed some big ones. Give a shout when you want the definitive list composed.


zender1972
zender1972

Who writes this shit? (clicks unsubscribe icon)

Matt Heutinck
Matt Heutinck

Jon Michels, I was just saying Minneapolis=Hipster. It's gotten worse in recent years.

Thad Lawrynk
Thad Lawrynk

Who doesn't prefer Sconnie over Mn you can buy booze 7 days a week in hundreds if stores and they have big loud fireworks that leave the ground and blow up! Plus they have Spotted Cow.

Brittany Lynn
Brittany Lynn

Jess Kromrey is that a pic of you at the zombie pub crawl?

Timothy Collins
Timothy Collins

Im sure i could figure something out, i was behind the mahagany for a long time..

spincut13
spincut13

"You don't know where Marvel is? You don't know how to get inside of it? You've never been? In that case, this is the perfect time for me to let you know that I'm dumping you...you know...rather than take you out for a night of fun and cocktail-ventures at a place you haven't been. If you want to blow up my phone with angry texts for being such a dick about this, I'll be reading them while drinking an Oliveto at Marvel...not like you know how to get there...#neenerneener"


-You're welcome

brennanlee.o1
brennanlee.o1

I had no idea The City Pages had so many readers from the suburbs, (oops am I stereotyping?).



Alex Argo
Alex Argo

Hipsters can be hipsters all they want but when they start getting all evangelical about it....

Alex Argo
Alex Argo

Way to be an annoying self involved hipster.... City pages should get on its fixed gear spray painted bike and peddle this crap elsewhere.... Half of these things feel like something personal happened to the writer as well... Which is equally annoying

iliadfang
iliadfang

This article highlights every obnoxious entitled douchey pretentious hipster thing that RUINS the culture in this city. 

Ananda Henly
Ananda Henly

What on earth does being a hipster have to do with carrying on a successful relationship? This 'article' is mis-titled, and worthless to boot. If these things are so important to you, THAT is why your relationship is about to end. smh

Jackie Ricci
Jackie Ricci

So I guess your relationship is doomed if you're not a dirty hipster.

Vicenta Del Carmen Valero
Vicenta Del Carmen Valero

What a a shock ! A City Pages ethnocentric article celebrating pretentiousness as a cutesy, fun article... I have no one to blame but myself since I keep them in my news feed!

Jason Swan
Jason Swan

The twenty-somethings assume that they were first and that their world started out this way.

DaveTheDopeFiend
DaveTheDopeFiend

"30 Signs you're dating a basic Minnesota homer who you should probably consider breaking up with"

todayistheday
todayistheday

Updated version of #9 They are going to show their face at the Basilica Block Party with everything going on in the church plus their donation of $600+ to the anti marriage amendment, ect ect 


There I fixed it for you. 

Kyrie Moonbaby
Kyrie Moonbaby

Ironic, but more so outright stupid, that they named Hidden Beach as the #1 worst spot in the cities in another article, yet here they say your relationship is just over if one of you has never been there. I am so over this love-hate passive-aggressive hipster attitude towards EVERYTHING. Remember when City Pages used to actually be cool and worth reading?

Jason Swan
Jason Swan

#1 should simply be: "If they read City Pages".

jsiets21
jsiets21

I have no desire to go to first ave or zombie pub crawl and I'm under 30. I just have better shit to do after the age of 25 than get obliterated drunk and spend the next day being a pile of shit. Its called growing up, CityPages should try it sometime.

Ari Woeste
Ari Woeste

This is the most pretentious bs I've seen come out of city pages.. and that's saying something. Any press is good press though, right?

Nicole Bidwell
Nicole Bidwell

I think this article should be renamed "how to tell ur dating a hipster incase u u weren't tipped off by their rediulously tight pants, oversized headphones, and weird haircut"

Rick Miller
Rick Miller

But wait isn't being anti hipster hip now?

David Gustafson
David Gustafson

If we let City Pages sit at the cool table -- way down at the end, all by themselves -- will they agree to stop running articles like this?

balance55113
balance55113

Just wasted 3 minutes of my life by reading this taint quality piece of shit article!

OlWillyClinton
OlWillyClinton

Wow. I live in Uptown, and I don't think I've ever seen so much uptight yuppiness in one area.

April Cutshall
April Cutshall

What's wrong with being over 30 at the zombie pub crawl???

Jack B Smith
Jack B Smith

What the? Another "hipper than thou" list?!?

Stephanie Lux
Stephanie Lux

This article describes a general type of Twin Cities personality and has nothing to do with the functionality of a relationship. Real newsflash: people live in different cities and suburbs because they have a certain disposition/temperament/preference. Just because one person likes Lake Calhoun in Minneapolis and one person likes Como Lake in St. Paul doesn't mean they can't build a functional relationship.

ChazDanger
ChazDanger topcommenter

@jsiets21 Being grown up means being able to go to a concert and not get "Obliterated", which you obviously can not do, according to your post.

ChazDanger
ChazDanger topcommenter

You sir would never be at the cool table.

iliadfang
iliadfang

She asked, with baited breath.


jsiets21
jsiets21

I don't even drink and idk anyone who's set out to go to zombie PUB crawl and NOT get drunk....

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