I Can't Believe It's Not Paint Thinner Vol. 1
Welcome to I Can't Believe It's Not Paint Thinner, a new blog City Pages blog series. Each week the CP staff will put its livers on the line to review the shadiest, strangest, and cheapest alcoholic beverages available.
Mike Kooiman: it's like when you open the fridge and you know the OJ is kinda old, and you try it and it's too old. Then you go, 'Oooooh.'
Jeff Guntzel: Not only is this good, this is mad, dog!
Nate Patrin: It's not so much a screwdriver as much as it is a butter knife.
Jessica Armbruster: It reminds me of when I was unemployed. I've had the other flavors. This is the best. The first thing I ever got drunk on was tang and vodka.
JG: Pour this on my grave when I pass.
JA: This is nothing compared to Night Train.
JG: there are times that I have not felt worth 3.25. this is actually quite pleasant.
Ben Palosaari: I think it's in a glass bottle because it would dissolve a plastic one.
NP: This is a war atrocity.
JA: You're so melodramatic.
NP: You'd think it would at least numb my toothache.
Ward Rubrecht: You just haven't had enough.
WR: As much as I don't want to drink this, I want even less to get sick off this.
JA: I've actually never vomited this stuff.
MK: This goes in the column of things Jessica has never vomited from.
(Matt Snyders enters and takes a pull from bottle): This is gross.
Takes swig of diet mt dew. Another swig of MD 20/20: I have a feature I gotta write. I want to finish this stuff just to spite the fucking bottle.
JG: You're the clean up hitter.
MS kills the bottle: Horrible. Horrible.
JA: Don't drink this while pregnant, it will deform your baby. You'll have a Bratz Doll.
Come back next week for another daring review of horrible liquor in I Can't Believe It's Not Paint Thinner.