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July 13, 2008 - July 19, 2008
« July 6, 2008 - July 12, 2008 | Main | July 20, 2008 - July 26, 2008 »I Can't Believe It's Not Paint Thinner: Vol. 5: Cisco
Filed under: I Can't Believe It's Not Paint Thinner
Produced by Centerra Wine Co. (formerly Canandaigua Wine Co.), their site states that "Cisco is a beverage dessert wine for people who like a strong, great–tasting sweet wine at an affordable price."
Gazing at their roster of products, I realized that Centerra Wine Co. is to bum wine what Coca–Cola is to soda pop. Their all–star line–up includes Wild Irish Rose, Manischewitz Beer, Cook’s Champagne, and Arbor Mist, whose website’s FAQ section includes answers to burning questions like "How do I open the bottle?"
But back to the task at hand: Cisco. A beverage with a rich history. Of mental illness. In 1991, the Cisco insanity reached peak levels, leading the FTC to launch a full investigation on the dessert wine known for causing alcohol poisoning and psychotic breaks among teenagers, drunks, and homeless. The investigation ended with the company being required to not only change its packaging, but to include a warning on its label that the product is "not a wine cooler" or intended to be consumed in a single serving. You can read the report here.
It should also be noted that according to their website, Cisco is a bum wine that should not be aged: "Please remember that Cisco wines are designed for consumption in a relatively short period after you purchase them. They are not made for aging or being stored for long periods of time."
Ben Palosaari purchased our bottle of Black Cherry Cisco about two weeks ago, so we better get crackin’!
(Ben struggles to open the bottle)
Ben Palosaari: That is a snug cap.
Jessica Armbruster: Oh, that smells epic.
BP: That’s the smell of bliss
Bradley Campbell: (enters room) Fuck, I can smell it already.
BP: To Sisqo, the entertainer!
(everyone takes sip)
BP: It actually tastes like Dimetapp.
JA: It smells like bananas.
Ward Rubrecht: It tastes like candy.
BP: It tastes like artificial grape medicine.
JA: It’s actually black cherry flavor.
BC: I think I want to scratch my face off.
BP: Let’s start a charitable group so that bums don’t have to drink this.
WR: I’m ok with this now. Cisco, you’re not that bad!
BP: It’s getting worse as I drink.
JA: My stomach feels like it’s flying.
(Matt Snyders enters the room)
Matt Snyders: Oh no.
JA: Oh yes. Dreams do come true.
MS: It’s like KoolAid with way more sugar and Everclear dumped in it.
(Beth Walton enters room)
Everyone: Drink it! Drink it!
BW: I don’t want to drink it. (flinches and takes a sip) Actually, this isn’t that bad. I could drink this. But I don’t want to go crazy.
BC: I feel like there’s a film on my teeth.
WR: Yeah, plaque loves sugar.
JA: So guys, are you going to black out, start a fight?
WR: I feel like if I did black out, I wouldn’t be terribly surprised
BP: If I did black out, at least I would forget what Cisco tastes like.
JA: I think Cisco makes me feel really calm. It’s a zen bum wine. Not bad.
Posted by Jessica Armbruster at July 18, 2008 6:11 PM | Comments (0)
Drink of the Week: The DIY-er's Mulberry Mojito
Filed under: Drink of the Week
The Minneapolis park board considers mulberries an invasive species: here's a tasty way to help.
Mulberries lack the sweet/tart balance of a raspberry or a blackberry--too tart when they're not quite ripe and too cloyingly sweet when they are. But throw 'em in an cocktail? Now that's another story entirely. I've never seen mulberries sold commercially, but there are plenty of mulberry trees scattered throught the cities, and their fruit is ripe--and free--for the picking.
The easiest way to spot mulberry trees is to look for berry-splattered sidewalks like this one I found in Uptown:
If the branches look laden with fruit, the property owner probably hasn't been harvesting them, so ask them if it's okay for you to pick. The berries can be eaten straight, made into jams, pies, or, my favorite, the mulberry mojito, made by muddling the berries and adding them to a regular mojito.
Mulberry Mojito (serves 1)
1 oz. rum
3 oz. club soda
1/2 lime
1/2 oz. simple syrup
10 fresh mint leaves
10 mulberries
Muddle lime, mint leaves, and mulberry in glass. Add simple syrup, rum, and club soda, and stir. Garnish with mint, lime, and mulberries.
Posted by Rachel Hutton at July 18, 2008 3:43 AM | Comments (1)
Big Cheese in town this weekend
Filed under: Events
Cheese guru Jeffrey Roberts rolls into town this weekend from Montpelier, Vermont. Roberts is the author of The Atlas of American Artisan Cheese , and a regional director of Slow Food USA. He helped organize the American raw milk cheese presidium and is active in issues related to agriculture and food policy and environmental conservation.
On Friday, he'll be lecturing at Elsie's in partnership with Slow Food MN and Surdyk's. Guests will have the chance to sample local cheeses and organic wines.
Friday, July 18, 6:30 – 9 p.m.
Elsie's
729 Marshall Street NE, Minneapolis
Reservations are $15 for Slow Food members, $25 for non-members. Surdyk's is taking reservations on their Web site and by phone at 612 379-3232.
On Saturday, Chef Brenda Langton hosts Roberts as a benefit for the American Cheese Society. Roberts will lead a discussion about the local food scene while guests sample artisanal cheeses and beers, plus Cafe Brenda appetizers.
Saturday, July 19, 6-9pm
Café Brenda
300 1st Avenue North
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Tickets $50.00
For information call Classic Provisions at 763-544-2025
Posted by Rachel Hutton at July 17, 2008 2:01 PM | Comments (3)
Simon Delivers going out of business
Filed under: Shopping
Though I've toured the Simon Delivers facilities in New Hope (the logistics are remarkable!), I've never actually used the service--though I can see its appeal for people with large families, small children, etc. I'm interested to see how Simon's departure will affect the local grocery business and if former customers will switch to other grocery delivery services, such as Lunds/Byerly's.
Posted by Rachel Hutton at July 16, 2008 9:22 AM | Comments (8)
Make it a date: Grand Cafe
Filed under: Make it a date
At Grand Cafe in Kingfield, you're within a scone's throw of Lakewood Cemetery, the Lyndale Rose Garden, and the Uptown VFW.
1. Tour Lakewood Cemetery
Sure, it sounds morbid, but since its 1871 founding, Lakewood has long been considered one of the country's most beautiful cemeteries, and it's a shame that it not be enjoyed by the living. Situated on a 250-acre plot between Lakes Calhoun and Harriet, the cemetery's rolling wooded expanse is the final resting place for many prominent Minnesotans (everywhere you turn, there's a memorial inscribed with a name like Pillsbury, Washburn, or Loring). Among the Classical and Egyptian Revival sculptures, architectural highlights include the 1965 Memorial Community Mausoleum and Columbarium, decorated with Italian marble, Impressionist paintings, and eight-foot-high stained glass windows, and the Memorial Chapel, with its 10 million piece mosaic, created and assembled by Italian artists at the turn of the century. The experience of standing alone under the chapel's dome is one of the cities' best kept secrets--it feels like being inside a faberge egg. (Gates are open 7 days a week, from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. during the summer.)
2. Enjoy peak bloom season at the Lyndale Park Rose Garden
The rose garden, constructed on the northeast corner of Lake Harriet in 1907-8, is the second oldest public rose garden in the United States. Designed by park superintendent Theodore Wirth, the garden showcases 3,000 plants in 100 different varieties and is open from 7:30 a.m. to 10 p.m. daily.
3. Nightcap and karoke at the VFW
Girls in Prince t-shirts and guys flashing their boxers sip cheap cocktails and perform B52's songs alongside old-timers at this Uptown hipster fave. No wonder Esquire named it one of the best bars in the country.
Posted by Rachel Hutton at July 15, 2008 4:55 PM | Comments (2)
The Best Blueberry Cobbler Ever...
Filed under: Restaurants
...although, if you want to get down to brass tacks, it's probably actually a grunt, a treat arguably differentiated by chunks of biscuit floating atop a sea of fruity goodness plus a pie-like crust on the bottom.
(There's more than a little disagreement on the cobbler versus slump versus grunt versus crisp definitions front.)
Semantics aside, a rhubarb-blueberry grunt made and served at the Fireroast Mountain Cafe illustrated how damned good a slightly more rustic alternative to pie can be.
First of all: the rhubarb had a crisp but not tough texture. It was tart, but in balance with the blueberries, which were sweet, but not overly so. Moreover: They were neither caked up into a starchy solid nor dripping with a blue syrupy liquid. The biscuit topping was mild and firm without being overly tough or dense; the whole dessert was surprisingly light on its feet. And at $2.50 for a generous helping, it was economical to the point being ridiculous.
As a general note: the baked goods at Fireroast Mountain (one of the finest South Minneapolis cafes, located at 37th Ave. and 38th St.) are made in-house and tend to range from good to excellent. Longfellow locals already know this place; for those swinging through the neighborhood, it's a stop worth making time for.
Posted by James Norton at July 15, 2008 1:25 AM | Comments (0)
Worst. Salad. Ever.
Filed under: Shockingly Bad Cuisine
Last week, my better half and I went to Cafe Maude to see what all the hooplah's about. Because I am sadly lacking in trendiness, I only made it there after winning a gift certificate to the place from work. I was nevertheless enthused. The reviews had been glowing. The place, I'd heard, is always packed. And hell, I'd even met one of the owners once, and he seemed like a swell guy.
All of which left me entirely unprepared for the salad we ordered to start our meal.
It took about half an hour to arrive at our table.
"The salad station is really backed up," the waitress explained, unprompted.
No matter. Good food is worth the wait. And it looked promising enough on the plate. A neatly assembled horizontal forest of healthy-looking dandelion greens tied together by a couple wide strips of peeled cucumber, with a creamy raspberry-almond dressing forming a shallow pond alongside it. A couple plump raspberries completed the dish.
I took a leaf and chomped on it. It was bitter. Impossibly, nonsensically bitter. In mild shock, I proceeded to follow the waitress's advice, integrating the greens with the adjacent pinkish puddle.
It didn't help. The dressing was a little sweet, more mayoish than anything, and, most important, entirely ineffective in cutting the bitterness from the leaves.
The salad sat between my wife and I nearly untouched. The waitress was back at the table inside five minutes.
"How are the greens?" she asked.
"Um...," I responded, trailing off. "Interesting."
"Are you done with them?"
This was an interesting question. Under most any other circumstance, it would have been outright absurd. We'd just gotten the salad and had barely put a dent in it. Are we done?
We were done with greens, of course, but I didn't have the heart to tell the waitress so just then. I think she understood. She removed the dish from our table a few minutes later.
After the salad, the rest of the meal was merely mediocre, with (at least) one ingredient too many stuffed into each dish. Like the tuna, which was served on baguette slices piled high with heavily-dressed greens and mushed avocado. Or the duck confit flatbread, flooded with a bleu cheese dressing that tasted fresh out of the Hidden Valley squeeze bottle.
Only the lamb skewers were anything approaching above average. They were tender and tasty, and served with a light, tangy yogurt sauce and an inoffensive cup of (slightly watery) couscous.
Our meal ended unceremoniously. Despite having extra money left on the gift certificate, we decided not to brave dessert. The bill came to $66 and change, and the gift certificate was worth $75. The waitress explained that the remainder couldn't be applied to the tip, which was not news to me. I told her I didn't need the balance back in any case.
What is one to take away from this experience? The sample size, of course, is too small to really say anything for sure. Perhaps we'd managed to order the worst items on the menu. Or maybe it was a terribly off day. Still, it's hard to avoid asking The Big Question: What the hell are all those people doing there?
Posted by Jonathan Kaminsky at July 14, 2008 10:56 AM | Comments (6)
Road Trip: Excelsior
Filed under: Road Trip
Located on the south shore of Lake Minnetonka, Excelsior may not feel like much of a road trip--unless it's a human-powered one. Two regional trails make for a pleasant (read: flat) 20 miles pedal from Uptown Minneapolis to downtown Excelsior, where there are plenty of opportunities for the peloton to refuel.
Directions:
From Minneapolis, take the Midtown Greenway to the Kenilworth Trail to downtown Hopkins. Roll up to 5th Ave. S and pick up the crushed limestone SW LRT Trail to Excelsior.
Pit Stops
318 Cafe, 318 Water St.
This coffeehouse-with-benefits has better-than-average soups, sandwiches, and salads, plus an impressive wine and beer list. Our faves were the four-cheese pizza with truffle oil and the turkey, apple, and Brie sandwich with honey-pecan butter. 318 has a small but pleasant patio and live music every Wed. through Sat. at 8 p.m.
Adele's Custard, 800 Excelsior Blvd.
The 318 has a nice array of baked goods, such as the frosting-topped carrot cake the size of a paving brick, but in warm weather, it's hard to pass up Adele's. They serve chocolate and vanilla custard every day, plus a rotating assortment of flavors, from Fudge Brownie to Kaluha. Because it's made with egg yolks, frozen custard has a lucious, velvety, gelato-like texture.
Other possible stops...
Licks Unlimited, 31 Water St.
The only way to taste the differences between custard and ice cream is to have some of each.
Jake O'Connor's Irish Pub, 200 Water St.
Dermot Cowley, an Irish native and owner of O’Donovan’s in Minneapolis, recreated an authentic pub in a former hardware store with 16 beers on tap, shepherd's pie, and plenty of sidewalk dining.
Yumi Sushi Bar, 28 Water St.
A small, but satisfying sushi spot just a few blocks off the water.
Biella, 227 Water St.
Elegant Italian fare served in a quaint historic building--probably not okay to show up in spandex, so make a reservation for another time.
Posted by Rachel Hutton at July 14, 2008 9:35 AM | Comments (2)
Summit Beer Movie Contest Winners Hit the Web
Filed under: Brews, Etc.
The winners (and a number of runners up and honorable mentions) from the first annual Summit Beer Movie content are now up and available on the Web at The Social Element. (After claiming to be 21 years old, click the Movies hexagon.)
User-generated content has a tendency to be schlocky at best, but there's clearly something about beer that brings out the legitimately creative side of people. The first place winner, No Guts, No Glory, was well-paced, beautifully shot, well acted, nicely costumed — it felt like a real film, with a few moments that wouldn't be out of place in a Wes Anderson short from a visual and comic timing perspective.
The second- and third-place winners also merit viewing (The Bachelor Chef, in particular), but my personal favorite is "Beer Fight," a bloody melee that puts bad special effects to hilarious use.
Posted by James Norton at July 14, 2008 1:19 AM | Comments (0)
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