I Can't Believe It's Not Paint Thinner Vol. 4

Our drink this time around is Richards (sic) Wild Irish Rose Wild Green Apple wine. Wild Irish Rose is a wine with a proud past and shameful present. It's manufacturer's parent company, Constellation Brands, mentions Wild Irish Rose's widespread popularity in the 1950s and 60s, they boast about it's sales numbers and how great it was for Constellation when it bought the brand. And yet, if you look at the easily accessible list of wines on Constellation's Web site, Wild Irish Rose -- the wine that helped make this company the thriving, $5.2 billion empire it is today -- is no where to be found.

The only place it is listed as one of their brands is in their 'Complete Brand Profile.' Here's the kicker: They have a list of fortified wines, which is really what Wild Irish Rose is. But it's listed in a separate category called 'desert wines.' Hmmm. Interesting choice. Let's drink some.

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Jessica Armbruster : It tastes like wine that was spilled on the floor and not cleaned up for a couple of days.

Andrea Myers: It tastes like Boone's farm. Which I only had once: the day Bush was reelected.

Nate Patrin: The burnt plastic smell is awful; the taste is just confusing.

AM: The apple flavor is in the aftertaste.

Np: It tastes like pork.

Ben Palosaari: I don't get the taste of pork at all. I think you need a refresher ham.

JA: I used to tell people Bacos were illegal in Cuba.

(Mike Kooiman enters)
MK: I want to kill brain cells too! It has the aroma of a urinal cake. This is not as good as Pucker.

JA: I'm not horrified. Not nearly as bad as Thunderbird.

MK: Maybe this is different from Pucker because these are 'wild apples.'

NP: The after taste is like apple cinnamon Cheerios.

BP: You have the strangest palate! Where do these tastes come from.

(MK pours himself another.)

Mike: You got a little Irish in you?!

(AM drinks more too.)

(Bridgette Reinsmoen enters after refusing to have any):

BR:I caved. This is no way resembles wine.

(WR knocks a mirror off the wall.)

(MK finds the leftover Thunderbird in the ICBINPT trophy case.)

BP: Drink some. But don't smell it first.

(MK takes a pull from the bottle.)
MK: Oohhh why do we have drink cleaning solution every Friday?!

(AM takes taste.)

AM: That's grossssss. I want more Irish Rose to get the taste out.

MK: I threw up in somebody's closet once.

BR: I puked at a bar once. Just standing at this bar, I did a shot, nobody noticed and I walked away.

WR: Is this the biggest thumbs up we've had? We're all still drinking it.

Johnathan Kaminsky: It warms the belly a little bit.

(JK takes chug of Thunderbird.)

JK: It's irredeemable.

(WR opens Lakemaid beer.)

WR: Man, it tastes way better after the Wild Irish Rose.

JA: this is my favorite so far.

BP: I think we all agree on that. I'm surprised.

Richards Wild Irish Rose came in a 750 ml bottle and cost $3.99.


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