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Mixed Fruit: An Open Letter to the Nation's Restaurateurs
Filed under: Shockingly Bad Cuisine
Dear Restaurateurs of America: It's time to cut the crap. And by "crap," we, the restaurant patrons of America, are referring to pieces of melon.
For years, if not decades, a high percentage of low-to-mid-ranged casual eateries have offered "mixed fruit" as a side option with a salad or sandwich. Coleslaw, fries, or mixed fruit.
And for years, if not decades, a high percentage of so-called "mixed fruit" sides have arrived at the table as little tiny cups filled to the brim with pieces of melon and one or two red grapes.
The grapes are the really aggravating part of the experience. It's like a hobo drinking forty ounces of malt liquor on the city bus, the bottle concealed by a paper bag. Nobody thinks the paper bag conceals a V8, or a Vault energy drink. And nobody at home would make a fruit salad by cutting up a melon and throwing five red grapes into the bowl.
It's true that what you're offering is technically "mixed fruit," or a "fruit cup" i.e. more than one kind of fruit. But why not call it a "melon cup" or "melon with a couple grapes"? This is far more descriptive and, as a result, far more honest.
There's a simple answer to this question.
Melon, outside of its native season and growing zone, should not be eaten, and everybody knows this. It is a bad fruit. Nobody likes it, it's dumb, and it irritates the roof of your mouth. Types of fruit that are (by contrast) delicious in a fruit cup include: apples, bananas, oranges, pears, peaches, more grapes, blueberries, raspberries, guava, mango, starfruit*, pineapple, peaches and a bunch of other varieties of apples.
Understandably, serving up little cups of blueberries and pineapple pieces would have a negative impact on the restaurant bottom line, and who — after all — pays attention to the fruit cup anyway?
So don't use premium fruit. Use nice old affordable bananas (until they go extinct on us) and apples. Use a few more grapes. Throw in some basically free torn up bits of mint leaves. Even watermelon would be a nice change from the honeydew and cantaloupe that so rudely dominate our side servings of fruit. And then, if you must, put in a piece or two of melon for bulk.
BUT ONLY IF YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST.
That is all. Carry on with the otherwise fine food preparation and service that normally occupies your day.
* The deliciousness of starfruit is disputed by my wife.
Posted by James Norton at July 22, 2008 1:48 AM
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Comments
Hear, hear!
Man, I hate melon. I don't even bother to ask what's in the fruit cup anymore. It's always melon. With, if it's fancy, a little quartered bland, white strawberry.
Posted by: Tricia at July 22, 2008 8:18 AM
Man, I got a melon cup with my lunch at the three-star apiring "sauced" restaurant the other day. My girlfriend actually rolled her eyes. When I order a $12 sandwich, I would like some real fruit in my fruit cup. Be warned, "sauced", I have been served and you have been served.
Posted by: C-Dawg at July 22, 2008 12:35 PM
there is precedent for this. what was once "salad" is now properly "iceberg wedge."
Posted by: brian at July 22, 2008 12:49 PM
My favorite is when the grapes are all old and the top part is starting to set in from rot. Yum, yum! Like really, I bet most people opt for the fries anyways, so dicing up a variety wouldn't even cost that much
Posted by: Cookie at July 22, 2008 1:11 PM
Ever since I got food poisoning from contaminated melon, I can't even look at it, so, while I would enjoy a fruit cup, I usually don't even bother. Although, Barbette seems to have a nice one with blueberries, etc.
Posted by: Aliecat at July 22, 2008 9:15 PM
Having worked in a restaurant, I'm thinking that
all the good cheap fruit like apples and bananas
turn brown, unlike melon (which I also hate),
unless you dump lemon juice on them which kind
of kills the fruit taste. So that leaves expensive
fruits like mango and berries. But hell, charge
more for it- people would pay if they knew it would be good. Or offer a tossed salad as a sandwich side
rather than fruit. Whatever.
Posted by: Faith at July 22, 2008 11:15 PM
Try Moose & Sadie's - they actually have a fruit cup/side that has lots of tasty morsels (strawberries, mango, pineapple, grapes, orange segments, etc) Mmm! Much Kudos to M&S!
Posted by: AWE at July 23, 2008 11:11 AM
Obviously, it's actually a menu item, but the Birchwood get the idea of a fruit-n-yogurt salad correct. The fruit is always of good variety and there are almost invariably berries and apples (along with some melon and pineapple and grapes).
Posted by: Julie at July 23, 2008 12:48 PM
I have to second the shout-out for Moose & Sadie's! I've eaten the fruit cup there many times--and it is always fresh, tasty and (I think) melon-free.
Posted by: SCH at July 24, 2008 10:19 PM
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