I Can't Believe It's Not Paint Thinner: Red Headed Blast

DeKuyper knows how to call a spade a spade. Their website proudly proclaims their many lines of liqueurs to be colorful and fruity. Never head of them? DeKuyper, an offshoot of Jim Beam Brands Co., is responsible for Puckers, the sweet and sour, maple syrup–like drink favored by 13–year old girls drinking in a bathroom stall of a school dance. They also make a variety of schnapps and flavored brandy.

In the fine tradition of Skittle–colored beverages, today we will try something from DeKuyper’s "Blast" line, which includes flavors with words like "hot damn!", "blustery", and "ragin’" in the title—exactly the sorts of words you want associated with things about to enter your digestive system. I was immediately drawn to the Red Headed Burst, which is mysteriously missing from their website. But as a redhead myself, I can only assume it’s awesome. However, I have no clue what it will taste like. The guy at the liquor store guessed that it’s probably a take on the Redheaded Slut, a beverage that mixes Jagermeister, peach schnapps, and cranberry into a shot.

My hopes aren’t high for this one; the booklet that came with it has three pages on how to open the bottle (hint: don’t use a corkscrew or your teeth). Are you ready to taste the rainbow?

Jessica Armbruster: Ooh! This smells peachy!

Ben Palosaari: Smells like Georgia.

Mike Kooiman: Shouldn’t a shot be something that tastes vile?

Nate Patrin: This is not bad.

Ward Rubrecht: Not a smooth finish. It’s syrupy sweet.

BP: This might mix nice with cranberry juice.

NP: It’s like peach brine… or juice

BP: The bottle label is horrible though.

JA: It looks like a shot glass is vomiting pumpkin juice.

Andrea Swensson: It sort of tastes like the cough syrup I was taking when I was sick.

BP: It’s the IUD of alcohol, mean IED.

NP: Well, you can’t make DUI without IUD.