DiGiorno Pizza and Cookies makes life worth living

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What has science done?
"In a few years it will read Pizza and Cookies and Weed." That was the first comment that made sense to us when we saw DiGiorno's latest product: a cheese or pepperoni pizza packaged with Toll House cookie dough in one giant $8 box labeled "Pizza and Cookies." Yes, we also thought "Pizza and Cookies and Lipitor" wouldn't be far off. Naturally, we had to try it.

Though the Pizza and Cookies combo isn't yet mentioned on DiGiorno's official website, we took a chance and visited SuperTarget (fail) and Rainbow (success!) in search of every stoner's dream --after all, it seemed like the perfect offering to bring to a Jersey Shore viewing night.

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All that's missing are the Tums
Our first question was how DiGiorno (which is owned by Nestle, hence its ability to partner with Toll House cookies) was going to successfully package a pizza with cookie dough. The answer: slap in a miniature reproduction of the pre-scored packaged Toll House dough you can buy in the refrigerated section of the grocery store.

While the pizza is cooking for 17-20 minutes at 375 degrees, you're meant to break apart the perfectly proportioned 12-piece dough slab so it can follow with a quick 10-minute bake--and no, you can't bake them at the same time. The box also emphasizes in ALL CAPS that you're not supposed to eat the dough raw, but our testers seemed to think few consumers of a product like this would opt to actually bake the cookies. "Why not just make the crust out of cookie dough?" mused an observer.

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Perforated dough
The pizza was your standard cardboardesque frozen pie, but the cookies--warm, chewy, and laden with chocolate chips--practically reduced the testers to tears of joy. Did they taste good with beer? No. Were they any better than your basic Toll House cookie? No. Are they secretly exactly what you want after two pieces of below-average pizza? Hells yes.

Granted, it's not that hard to walk from the frozen pizza aisle over to the refrigerated dough aisle to get these ingredients separately. And yes, Papa Murphy's has sold one-pound tubs of dough to go along with its take-and-bake pizzas for years. But there's something so epic--so American--about having it all in one $8 box that is so wrong it's right. If it came with a discount on a defibrillator, well, all the better.

In addition to Pizza and Cookies, DiGiorno is also offering a Pizza and Wyngz combination--however, an asterisk on the box notes that the "wyngz" are technically "white meat chicken fritters." But if you're the kind of person who was tempted by Pizza and Cookies, we doubt a little poultry semantics will stop you from bellying up to the frozen food aisle.


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3 comments
J M B 1
J M B 1

I just had a thin crust three meat pizza and the canadian bacon was really tough otherwise it was good.  

Lu
Lu

Oh, my, god. This is an American tragedy. We're all going to hell.

Sam
Sam

Wait, so WTF are the wyngz? Are they wing shaped?

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