Top 10 all-time worst food mascots

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He'd want us to remember him this way...
Last week, the nation was stunned to hear of the untimely demise of the widely reviled beloved mascot, The King.  His Shiny Plastic Highness was finally retired by Burger King ... but not before His Creepiness had a chance to taint every television viewer's image of BK.  Since his introduction, the King had united the nation in one giant 'WTF!?'  But he's not the first less-than-ideal mascot to be foisted on the public (and he probably won't be the last).  The Hot Dish has put together this list of the 10 worst "characters" used to hock munchies. From blatant racism to pedophilia to genetic mutations, these mascots make the King look like a genius idea.

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"Mommy, I want the cereal with the ... thing on it!"

10. Bigg Mixx - Kellogg's Bigg Mixx cereal

In 1990, Kellogg's introduced Bigg Mixx cereal, a motley mixture of other Kellogg's brands all tossed together in one box, saving the world the incredible difficulty of mixing dry cereals together at home.  Surprisingly enough, the insides of the box were not quite as poorly thought-out as the oustide, which featured a cartoon character by the same name.  According to the cryptozoologists at Kellogg's, Bigg Mixx was a 'chicken-wolf-moose-pig' from the Yakima Valley.  Printed on the box was the background legend of Bigg Mixx, which included the story of the first reported sighting in 1978.  While eyewitness accounts of Bigg Mixx tended to vary slightly in their description of this mythical beast, everyone agreed that he "eats like a pig."  Bigg Mixx was retired when Kellogg's halted production of Bigg Mixx cereal and the chicken-wolf-moose-pig disappeared back into the misty forests of Washington, though some people say that if you stand outside Kurt Cobain's house during a new moon, you might hear a plaintive cluck-snort-howl way off in the distance...

 

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Mummenschanz!
9. Disembodied Mouth--Dairy Queen

Yes, Dairy Queen, you are technically correct.  People do use their mouths to consume your products.  However, most of those mouths are connected to faces and bodies and other hallmarks of personhood.  On the bright side, this mouth without a stomach can eat all the Blizzards it wants while only worrying about plumper lips.  By the way, are we the only ones who have an unexplainable urge to listen to Exile on Main St. whenever the DQ lips appear?

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Double your displeasure...
8. (tie) Country Crock Hands--Country Crock Margarine / Annoying Yuppies--Sonic Drive-In

Both of these "mascots" can be tedious and unpleasant.  The Country Crock Hands have been around for the better part of the last 20 years and are still ridiculous.  One set of Hands is voiced by a male and the other set is voiced by a female.  When the campaign began, the Hands bantered flirtatiously while spreading oleo on ears of corn or muffins.  As the campaign wore on, the two eventually got married and had kids.  This turn was important enough to garner attention from news outlets at the time.  Of course, eagle-eyed Hot Dish readers may have noticed: At no point, in any of their myriad number of appearances, do the Hands actually eat any Country Crock.

 

Just as bad as the forced playfulness of the Hands are the insipid and inane exchanges by the suburban yuppies hawking Sonic Drive-In.  What's that you say?  "How are they mascots?"  Well, they are very much like puppets...  Possibly the worst example is this couple, who have been featured in a number of ads.  However, the male actor of this pair (Brian Huskey) just may have redeemed himself: He is now playing the recurring character of Chet, the paramedic, on Adult Swim's terrific Children's Hospital.

 

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Ahh, nightmare fodder! That'll sell hamburgers!
7. Mac Tonight--McDonald's

McDonald's has taken a lot of flack over the years for its mascots.  Some equate Ronald McDonald with some sort of Orwellian plot to indoctrinate impressionable young children into the Cult of Mac as early as possible.  Some simply point to Grimace and ... well, grimace.  What does "robble, robble" mean, anyway, Hamburglar?  And whatever happened to Birdie?  But the worst McDonald's mascot has to be Mac Tonight, a.k.a. Moon Man.  Played by actor Doug Jones, (best known for his dual role as the Faun and the Pale Man in Pan's Labyrinth and as Abe Sapien in the Hellboy series), this terrifying, massively benoggined behemoth was featured in commercials that touted McDonald's late-night drive-thru.  We're guessing the crescent moon shape was chosen so that the viewer would conclude that if the Moon Man would simply eat a Big Mac, he'll be a "full moon."  The worst part of this campaign, however, has to be the criminal bastardization of Bobby Darin's classic chart-topper, Mack the Knife.

 

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Trivia: Boo Berry auditioned for a role in Trainspotting
6. Boo Berry--General Mills' Boo Berry Cereal

Boo Berry is a ghost that for some reason is imbued with the essence of blueberries.  It's never been clear whether he is the ghost of a blueberry or simply the ghost of a human who really liked blueberries.  Boo Berry, along with his monster mates, Frankenberry and Count Chocula, had disappeared from the cereal aisle for a while.  But General Mills has started to release them for a short period around Halloween each year.  The real problem with Boo Berry is that his heavy, blue-tinged eyelids and bluish skin lend the impression that he just may be overdosing on heroin.  The porkpie hat draws further comparisons to Pete Doherty, which merely reinforces the idea that Boo Berry likes to ride the white horse.

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Steph2411
Steph2411

Great post! Love hearing about the best mascots. Some people hate them, but I always enjoy what they bring to the game. Pretty athletic what they do out there too! I found a fun ranking of all the mascots of the NBA and decided to search for more on them. That’s how I found yours.

Thanks for the post! Loved it. Here’s the ranking I stumbled upon if you’re interested: http://www.tchuddle.com/2011/0...

Billy
Billy

Whats wrong with Guy Fieri? Because you dont like his clothes or his originality(most of which people LIKE about him) you think hes a bad mascot? Get real! Diners, drive ins and dives is very popular, maybe you should take notes. 

StevenMN
StevenMN

That Burger King plastic monster has to be the winner in all-time creepiness.  From the very first time I saw it I thought "what the fxxx were they thinking".  They could have one-upped themselves having Freddy Kreiger selling a bloody burger with a chainsaw

Roe Pressley
Roe Pressley

The Dairy Queen lips conjure up "Midnight Double Feature Picture Show"... if that is the technical title of the opening theme to Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Michael Mattson
Michael Mattson

Oh, yes, there's definitely a Dr. Frank N. Furter vibe with those lips, too!

P.S. Love the Bowie "Labyrinth"-avatar!  "DANCE MAGIC!!!"

sandy b.
sandy b.

The 4 fingered hand from hamburger helper gets my vote

Michael Mattson
Michael Mattson

The only thing that bothers me about the Hamburger Helper Hand is:

Why does he have a clown nose?The fact that he has only 4 fingers is actually the result of a woodshop bandsaw accident, I believe, and we'll thank you not to mention it... (kidding!)

Repodan
Repodan

You forgot the Arby's "Oven Mitt".  The very first moment I laid eyes on that creature, I wanted to throw it into the oven.

Michael Mattson
Michael Mattson

See, Arby's Oven Mitt is another one that I actually liked.  Off the top of my head, I can't remember which spot it was, but I do remember that one of them was rather clever and made me laugh.

Arby's food, on the other hand, always seems to give me a stomachache, no matter what I order off the menu.  But I will admit an occasional craving for curly fries...

Voobah
Voobah

Pillsbury used to have a competitor to Kool-Aid called Funny Face Drink Mix. They had "winners" like Chinese Cherry and Injun Orange...And where's "The Noid"?

Bohemianclub
Bohemianclub

It was Choo Choo Cherry and Jolly Olly Orange, along with Goofy Grape

Michael Mattson
Michael Mattson

I had never heard of Funny Face Drink Mix before.  Thanks for sharing Chinese Cherry and Injun Orange- they ARE terrible!

Info can be found here:theyalwayscomeback.blogspot.co...

Personally, I have a soft spot for The Noid because I liked the video game, despite it being ridiculously difficult.  Plus, The Noid tends to appear on EVERYONE'S 'worst mascots' list.

IOB
IOB

"Bad Andy. Good pizza."

Only one of those claims was accurate.

Michael Mattson
Michael Mattson

Ooh, Bad Andy!  I totally forgot about him.  Yes, he wasn't the greatest, but I have to admit, I find him to be kind of cute.  Maybe it's just because he reminds me of a sock monkey I had as a child.  Though I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment of the pizza.

Readers: to see Bad Andy, simply search 'Dominos Bad Andy' on YouTube.

Heather Kern
Heather Kern

Wait... is Bad Andy the Noid... from the 80s I believe... ?

Michael Mattson
Michael Mattson

No, Bad Andy and The Noid are two different characters, so Domino's has had two questionable mascots.  Don't worry and give 'em some time- I'm sure they'll come up with another, eventually!

MrE85
MrE85

Oh my! These are pure gold! I'm not sure, but I think "Boo Berry" is sort of a Peter Lorre-inspired look, although he certainly did NOT wear a porkpie hat in "Casablanca." He did, however, play a cereal killer in "M."

Michael Mattson
Michael Mattson

He does have a Peter Lorre-esque look to him, doesn't he?  I just hope Boo Berry doesn't try to steal the Maltese Falcon...

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