Hippocrates, that same genial fellow who gave us the doctors' oath to first do no harm, was one of the first in recorded history to set forth the idea that "like cures like." This in time evolved into such things as a literal belief that if you are bit by a dog, some hair from its tail applied to the wound will fix you right up, which in turn evolved into a belief that if you've made yourself ill from drinking alcohol, the most sensible thing to do is drink more alcohol. And this is how Hippocrates invented the bloody Mary. If he were alive today, and happened to be hung over in the Twin Cities, here's where he might go in search of a cure.
|The only classy way to start drinking before noon|
1. Burger JonesOrdering a breakfast cocktail after a long night says to Sunday, "I give up." Not gonna get out for a ski. Not gonna tinker with the broken lawnmower. Not gonna crank out a chapter in that novel. It's over--hangover FTW. Luckily, Burger Jones makes giving up look, taste, and feel like a really good decision. Not only is the portion of velvety and slightly kicky tomato elixir generous enough to knock out even the most formidable headache (thanks to a little Absolut Citron), but it's served with enough garnishes to set any weird food cravings to rest. Pickles, sausages, olives, cheese curds--it's a meal in itself. The whole package comes served in a down-homey mason jar.
3200 W. Lake St., Minneapolis. 612.746.0800
2. Ike's Food and CocktailsSome may be spicier, some may be stronger, but no bloody in the Twin Cities can top the Weekender Bloody Mary for sheer scale and ambition. Available only from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays during Ike's all-you-can-eat family-style brunch, the Weekender fits in perfectly with the morning meal's spirit of excess and indulgence. Adorned with no fewer than 10 garnishes, the Weekender is a veritable platter of amuse-bouches to prep your palate for the feast to come. Taking up two skewers, the garnishes include a green olive, black olive, beef stick, shrimp, cubed cheddar, pickled green bean, celery, lime, pickle, and peperoncini. The drink itself is pleasantly spiced without being overwhelming and is served with a generously salted rim. It's also available at Ike's location in the Mpls-St. Paul airport.
50 S. Sixth St., Minneapolis. 612.746.4537
MSP Airport, The Mall, across from checkpoint 1. 612.355.4642
3. The Bryant-Lake BowlWith four variations on the bloody Mary on its menu, the Bryant-Lake Bowl is determined to help you fight that hangover, or get you started working on tomorrow's. Our favorite is Amanda's Rock n' Roller, made with lots of garlic and mild green Tabasco (also available at sister restaurant the Red Stag Supper Club), but maybe the Bloody Caesar made with Clamato or the Bloody Beer (PBR and tomato juice) is more your style. Of course, there's also the classic bloody Mary for traditionalists. Whichever way you go, enjoy your BM with the BLB Veggie Hash, and polish your balls in preparation for the inevitable post-brunch bowling match. Those calories aren't going to burn themselves.
810 W. Lake St., Minneapolis. 612.825.3737
4. Hell's Kitchen While most bars serve up their bloody Marys with a beer back, Hell's Kitchen cuts out the middle man and concocts its signature bloody with Summit EPA mixed right in. Reviews vary between those who love it and those who prefer to keep their beer separate as a chaser, but the unique approach earns Hell's Kitchen a spot on our list of BMs that have set themselves apart from the red-hued masses. And with a notoriously killer breakfast menu available every day, this is one place you don't have to wait for the weekend to get your morning bloody on.
80 S. Ninth St., Minneapolis. 612.332.4700
5. Moto-i This sleek, dark, Lyn-Lake watering hole, modeled after an izakaya, or gastropub, has deep, cozy booths and Japanese soap operas playing on the TVs. Blake Richardson, owner of the Herkimer, applied his beer-making experience to rice wine, serving up several varieties of premium, unpasteurized, draft sake. Sake finds its way into several of Moto-i's cocktails, including its bloody Mary, where it stands in for the usual vodka. Add some Whiskey Willy's bloody Mary mix and some spicy Thai chilies and you've got yourself one kicking cocktail. Better yet, the drink is yours for only $1 a pop on Sundays.
2940 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis. 612.821.6262