Hormel's Compleats Breakfast: I can't believe it's not cat food

Categories: Product Review

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Emily Eveland
When the apocalypse hits, you'll be forced to think strategically. The first step is safety. The second is shelter. The third is finding a hefty supply of dry food.

Fortunately for us apocalypse-fearing folks, a variety of meals lend themselves to dry storage and easy prep. In the event of a nationwide emergency, we'd still be able to chow down on Spaghettios, Campbell's Soup, and Velveeta mac and cheese, among countless highly processed others. Eggs have now been added to the list, thanks to Hormel, the Austin, Minnesota-based company behind Spam and other meaty delicacies.

See also:
Austin, Minnesota rejects new Spam-inspired logo

On April 2, Hormel announced the release of four Compleats Breakfast options, including a Bacon Breakfast Scramble, Sausage Breakfast Scramble, Roasted Potatoes & Sausage Gravy, and Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal.

Hormel knows you don't have time to fuss around with real eggs in the morning. Why spend five minutes scrambling fresh eggs when you can spend 60 seconds heating one of their new Hormel Compleats Breakfasts in the microwave? According to Hormel, both of the Breakfast Compleats Scrambles contain two eggs each and, best of all, the eggs are shelf-stable, an apparent victory of food science over boring old regular food.

"We know that consumers are looking for a substantial breakfast option, but need a product that also fits in with their fast-paced lifestyle -- and we saw an opportunity to deliver on both," said Luis Marconi, Hormel's vice president of grocery product marketing. "It took five years to innovate the technology necessary to have a great-tasting shelf-stable egg. The process dramatically shortens the cooking time to make it possible to produce items with eggs and dairy that taste great."

To promote their new breakfast items, Hormel enlisted Richard Karn of Home Improvement fame to travel around Des Moines and Knoxville, encouraging shoppers to switch out their ordinary breakfasts with Hormel Compleats Breakfasts.

Because we're gluttons for food-related punishment and have a lingering soft spot for '90s sitcoms, we decided to take Al Borland up on his challenge and taste test the new Breakfast Compleats. It wasn't easy. The closest Rainbow, Cub Foods, and Target were all sold out. Rainbow in Uptown had Roasted Potatoes & Sausage but said the box was ripped open, which made it eligible for a discount. Tempting, but no. A dozen phone calls later, and we were driving to Saint Anthony where three of four Compleats breakfasts awaited.

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35 comments
hormelmakesbarf
hormelmakesbarf

The oatmeal is no better.  I saw these meals in the grocery store and immediately thought "nope" to the eggs sitting sealed in room temperature containers.  I got the oatmeal.

It tastes like super sweet apple pie filling.  I know it is not healthy but it appears Hormel really had to make sure this was bad for you.  Sugar with sugar, coated in sugar with a side of sugar. The worst part is the consistency.  It is pure mushy vomit.  It has the texture of mucus.  Every bite is like swallowing a blob of snot.   Why buy this when you can buy other microwave oatmeal that are normal?!

sef11us
sef11us

.Worst egss I've had iin 35 years! Seroiusly!  My family and I were on our way back from Hawaii in June of 1979, and had breakfast on the plane on the short trip from Atlanta, to Augusta. the only thing they had were egss,which I doublt really seriously were actually eggs.  Egg substitute, or some powdered egg product, but thy could never convince me to this day, what they seved me were actually eggs, If I said unetable ,that would be an understatment,and this  horrible thing I Just ate from Hormel, was just as bad.  They could never convince me what I ate  yesterday morning were real eggs, even if they showed me the eggs shells as proof!


Thank the lord I didn't have to pay for it, because it was a free I item I was able to download onto my grocery shopping card.  Because if I actually had to pay for that horrible thing Hormel is  actually trying to pass off as eggs, I would have gotten my money back. 

Holly Wright
Holly Wright

Those things seriously smell like cat food.

Barb Heath
Barb Heath

You already posted this on April 24th. Now I remember why I always unlike your page within three days of liking it.

Jeremy Hageman
Jeremy Hageman

If i had a cat i would not subject them to this "food"

Lorie Haddad
Lorie Haddad

Blech. Thanks for taking one for the team guys!!

macpro88
macpro88

They're horrible! I purchased and tried them. I will never buy again. The egg ones are the worst. What a disappointment. Some of their other meals (not breakfast ones) aren't too bad in a pinch.


Ann Johnson
Ann Johnson

Gross! What the heck? Are we so busy or unorganized enough that we can't get up an extra few minutes to eat something still least palatable? Yuuuuck

Demo3
Demo3

I can't believe so many places were sold out of it!! Gross.

Truth_Teller_1
Truth_Teller_1

That gravy looks like it might be suitable as drywall patching material.

Erica Anderson
Erica Anderson

That review was hilarious. I hope the reviewer got paid well and with a case of Rolaids.

Alex Duzik
Alex Duzik

"it was as though someone had lit ten sticks of Fancy Feast incense." Perfection.

j.haack
j.haack

How hard is it to make microwave scrambled eggs, do we really need shelf stable eggs? gross.

Brenda Anderson
Brenda Anderson

Target had samples once. Eggs were disgusting! Oatmeal was sort of edible.

Evan Hanson
Evan Hanson

" It's like microwaved baby vomit that someone tried soaking up with packing peanuts."

Jennifer Rumble
Jennifer Rumble

I recently got one of these from a local food shelf visit...throwing it away immediately.

Eric Johnson
Eric Johnson

My mom used to buy me the "dinner" variety of these abominations in college. Thanks, ma.

Sara Ball
Sara Ball

Those are absolutely disgusting!

jamesd390
jamesd390

Well - that's a fitting review for this product. 

MNjoe
MNjoe topcommenter

Dogs would eat it - they'll eat almost anything  I doubt my cats would - they're pretty finicky. 

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