Top 10 reasons your bartender hates you

Categories: Top 10

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Photo by dOOMZ via Flickr
A guy walks into a bar. He snaps his fingers at the bartender to get her attention. It's futile. He waves money in her face. Desperate, he calls from across the room, "Hey, sweetheart, surprise me with something." She brings him a High Life.

"That's not what I wanted," he huffs. "How 'bout you give me this one for free and we'll call it even?"

He gets up from his bar stool after chugging his beer, leaving behind a pile of torn-up napkins, olive pits from the "snacks" he stole from the garnish tray, and a handful of pennies.

This is no joke. This, my friends, is your bartender's worst nightmare.

See also:
Top 10 reasons why your server hates you

The bartender is a true warrior, putting up with belligerent drunks, catcalls, fights, and the same goddamn Guns N' Roses songs played repeatedly on the jukebox, all while serving hundred of drinks per night. If you want to make her job easier, don't be the douchebag who does the following. (Note: "You skip the tip" isn't on this list because if you haven't yet figured out that you should leave your bartender a tip, you're beyond help.)

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Photo by Flood
The last guy who grabbed the garnishes

10. You think the garnish tray is a buffet table.

The lemons and olives are not for you. When you stick your fingers in the garnishes, you're giving the next person who orders a mojito a mouthful of your germs. Frankly, your bartender doesn't care so much about that -- it's more that he'll have to replenish the stock after you've helped yourself to a nice little feast.

By the way, the garnishes have likely been sitting out for the past eight hours. Enjoy your slimy cheese cube.

9. You expect free drinks.

If you ask your bartender for a free drink, you're eliminating your chances of ever getting one. Free drinks are a privilege occasionally granted to those who are polite, tip generously, and refrain from causing a scene. And dude, no one cares that you know the owner. As the proprietor of a popular neighborhood bar, he probably knows a lot of people. He still wants your money.

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Photo by santheo via Flickr

8. You think you're exempt from the law.

Your bartender has heard everything. You left it at home, you put it through the wash, it got taken away after your last DUI.... It doesn't matter if you're wrinkled from head to toe -- your bartender could still be fined and/or fired for letting you drink without checking your ID. It's not about your bartender being a bitch. It's about the need to make a living and not letting some entitled asshole stand in the way of paying rent.

Note: This rule rarely applies in Wisconsin.

7. You ask for a surprise.

Want a surprise? Here's a glass of water. Indecision means nothing to your bartender, who makes hundreds of different drinks per day. And don't even think about ordering a drink you saw on the internet but can't remember the name of. It's not your bartender's responsibility to stay up to date on the latest mixed-drink concoctions on YouTube.


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