I Resent Being a Girl: Gap Ad Inspires Violent Rage

Once, Sarah Jessica Parker played the titular role in the Broadway production of Annie. This was long, long ago, back when wigs were fashioned of mammoth hide, Playbill was a cave painting, and Daddy Warbuck's swimming pool was aslosh with primordial ooze. Unfortunately, it's 2005 now and Parker is still singing. Regard the latest Gap commercial, which features Parker lip-syncing gamely as she canters down the street in a pair of unremarkable khaki capris. "I enjoy being a girl," she sings, beaming at appalled pedestrians. Because of Parker's offscreen persona (which consists mainly of wearing tea-length Oscar de la Renta and giggling at awards podiums) we're supposed to associate her with all things Pink and Feminine and Non-Threatening. Hence, the Gap's new campaign, which literally depicts an urban neighborhood through rose-colored lenses. Too bad the execution is utterly obnoxious. Gap bigwigs probably reason that Parker's bleating legions of fans will instantly stock up on capris, since they faithfully copied every trend from Sex and the City. Maybe that's a good instinct. Personally, the sound of Parker trilling "Thank you!" as a passerby hands her a flower made me want to burn every pair of capris I've ever owned on a ceremonial pyre.