The Pitch: It's Titanic...in Space!
Is it just us, or does the new Star Wars movie sound like even more of a celluloid stinker than the last two? The first clue: George Lucas is calling the latest installment (out May 11) a "real tearjerker." The second: He claims it's "Titanic in space." (Cue foghorn.) From a studio perspective, combining two of the top-grossing films of all time probably sounds like a steroid-fueled homerun. (The combined gross of Titanic and the first Star Wars flick has reached more than a billion dollars.) Which got us thinking about our own perfect pitch, (working title) Christ in the Closet. Who knew it was so easy?
It's the Sixth Sense meets the Passion of the Christ meets Ghostbusters: Jesus (played by Morgan Freeman) has come back to earth to raise some hell. (Take that, terrorists!) But only one buck-toothed little boy from Hoboken, New Jersey (played by Robin Williams in a buck-toothed little boy suit) can see him. Enter the ghostbuster/psychologist (Woody Harrelson), an affable goof/atheist who discovers that Jesus is not just a black man in a little boy's closet (just like E.T.!). He's a man in the hearts of red-blooded Americans everywhere. (Featuring Simon and Garfunkel interpreting the music of John Williams.)
Total gross: $923 million.