Dildos are the new Tupperware

Sex toys invade suburbia

For years, companies like Mary Kay, Tupperware, and more recently, The Pampered Chef have been using "start your own business!" jargon to entice desperate housewives into peddling their wares. Deftly playing off rampant mommy guilt and perceptions of an impenetrable glass ceiling, these companies manage to recruit thousands of wannabe consultants each month. (I infiltrated a Mary Kay convention in 2000 and was startled to hear higher-ups urging women to quit college and/or careers to hawk lipstick full time. "I thought I wanted to be a teacher, but I was wrong!" one recent convert gushed. "God first, family second, career third,"  was a common refrain among the rhinestone-pinned faithful, though they seemed to praise a certain paraffin hand treatment above all else.)

In most scenarios, though, becoming a home sales consultant can be a relatively harmless way to earn extra money, alienate one's friends or amass a shit-ton of candles.  Wholesome, too: what could be more American than Aunt Bettina selling plastic Jell-O molds to a trusting klatch of church-basement hens?

Well, how about Aunt Bettina selling anal beads to the same crowd?

Continued: Hide the Booty Eaze from the kids!