"Don't cha" wish music didn't suck like this?

In the halcyon days of the early oughts, Pussycat Dolls were merely a kitschy dance troupe known for recruiting celebrity guest stars. The Dolls were Hollywood's sanitized take on the subversive neoburlesque movement; why watch zaftig suicide girls dance the hoochie-coochie when you can hire Carmen Electra and a cadre of aerobicized fembots to do the same? Reasonable folks grew (somewhat) weary of seeing Us Weekly candids of Scarlett Johannson and Christina Aguilera writhing on the Roxy stage, but we assumed the Dolls would confine their schtick to the 310 area code. Not so. If you thought their incarnation as Lycra-clad teaseponies was grating, wait until you hear them sing.

Pussycat Dolls' first single "Don't Cha" is currently #4 on the Billboard Hot 100, and it's impossible to listen to mainstream radio without hearing these glorified Spice Girls sing "Don't cha (sic) wish your girlfriend was raw like me?", a lyric that seems to allude to a painful venereal disease. The video (which features a seriously humbled Busta Rhymes) is in heavy rotation on MTV. If you still insist on embracing this quasi-group, you ought to know that Pussycat Dolls choreographer Robin Antin is lechrosexual crybaby Jonathan Antin's sister. The axis of Antin must be stopped!