You're gonna eat those words

Don Johnson? Melanie Griffith? Jennifer Love Hewitt? A show about young lawyers called Just Legal? Why, this could shape up to be the worst fall TV season in recent history (save for 1987, when Small Wonder and Out of this World aired back-to-back.) Below is a purely self-indulgent exercise in which we review an upcoming show based on its synopsis and, of course, a gut feeling that has proven to be 67% correct.

How I Met Your Mother (CBS): Starring Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser) and Alyson Hannigan (exceptional flutist in American Pie), this sitcom focuses on a guy who falls for a girl at first-sight, only to find that a tired plot line keeps them from hooking up.
Why it will suck: See above. Also see Good Morning, Miami.

The Loop (Fox): Recent college grad deals with life-numbing corporate America while trying to bag his roommate (who is not Adam "Seth Cohen" Brody.)
Why it could work: Writer Pam Brady's credits include South Park and Team America: World Police.
Why it could suck: Stars guy whose IMDB bio is composed of this single sentence: "His roommate is Adam Brody." Also, see 1997 Fred Savage sitcom, Working.

Ghost Whisperer (CBS): Jennifer Love Hewitt talks to dead people.
Why it will suck: Let's see, if we needed to get our fix of beautiful girls who have the powers to summon God and the undead, we could've watched Medium, Joan of Arcadia, Tru Calling, or Wonderfalls. Yet CBS, who brought us at least 87 versions of CSI, is still calling this ubiquitous supernatural ability "unique."

Freddie (ABC): The network says this show will "serve up a comedic dish based on the raucous femme-filled real life of star Freddie Prinze, Jr."
Why it will suck: Freddie Prinze, Jr. is actually married. To Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Everybody Hates Chris: Chris Rock narrates this dark comedy about a kid growing up in Brooklyn in the early 1980s.
Why it could work: Critics seem to love narrated shows (Arrested Development, Wonder Years.) Plus, it's Chris Rock.
Why it could suck: See Oliver Beene. Or even worse: Malcolm in the Middle. Frankie Muniz is moments away from becoming this generation's Corey Feldman.