Q: What's 2, 298 times better than Two and a Half Men? A: Nearly everything else on television

Categories: Television
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I've taken an incredibly unscientific poll. And I'm starting to believe Nielsen ratings are a sham. Now before anyone gets all ten months ago on me and bellyaches that blue states just don't understand red staters' moral objection to switching the channel from CBS, let me say that my Eye-watching family members in the South were included in this study, all 12 and a half of 'em. (An unscientific poll-taker such as myself could never be accused of weak coupling my non-random sample.) And what I've found could forever alter the way we don't watch really awful sitcoms: No one, not a single person interviewed, watches Two and a Half Men, the supposedly highest-rated primetime comedy starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer, aka Duckie.


So how is it that the show, which makes the abysmal According to Jim look Emmy-worthy, consistently lands in the Top 10 most-watched programs? How is it that 16.8 million people plop down in front of their plasmas to watch a show where the biggest guffaws occur when the meddling grandmother winds up with a bowl of spaghetti soaking into her bad dye job and stiff two-piece suit? Please settle the debate over who watches this program and why in the comments section. Nielsen Families (if the even exist!) are encouraged to participate in this significant and life-altering CTG study.


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