The bad and the ugly

Categories: Music

Here are my least favorite songs of '05. The coming of a new year has a tabula rasa effect on radio, right? Please?

"My Humps" Black Eyed Peas
Fergie turns in this year's least sexy performance, with the nyah-nyah vocal delivery of a prepubescent boy and vernacular that reminds women to schedule regular mammograms. Not a bad PSA, I guess.

"Just the Girl" The Click Five
Fountains of Wayne's Adam Schlesinger generally knows his way around a pop song. So why'd he write this groaner about falling in love with a total bitch? The lyrics are particularly maddening: "'Cause she's bittersweet/ She knocks me off of my feet." Dude, it's your feelings, not the girl, that should be described as bittersweet. Buy a dictionary.

"Don't Cha" Pussycat Dolls
Another supposedly sexy song that misses its mark by several lengths of Astrolubed vinyl. Radio's grimiest offering since Xtina's "Dirrty" makes an Herbal Essence shower sound genuinely orgasmic.

"Cater 2 U" Destiny's Child
This one's easy. Every time it comes on the radio, my boyfriend starts up with the "Tie my shoes! Beyonce would!" It's funny. Really. But I guess if a woman expects a guy to pay her "Bills, Bills, Bills," he should be getting something in return. Hey sweetie, pay my rent! Jay-Z would!

"Beverly Hills" Weezer
It's weird how the absolute worst track on an otherwise innocuous album gets picked as the lead single. I'm not sure which is a bigger geek-rock faux pas: recycling a Steve Miller Band riff or the pretend-I'm-not-a-millionaire-and-pity-me lyrics. Makes you wonder just how bad the hundreds of unrecorded River Cuomo songs are.

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