Celine Dion postpones tonight's Target Center performance

To the horror of housewives -- and the elation of henpecked husbands -- statewide, Celine Dion announced that this evening’s performance at the Target Center has been postponed due to a respiratory infection. Ever the trooper, she had been warding off a hardy, hoary virus for a week before valiantly succumbing to a terminal throat tickle which prompted her to leave the stage prematurely during a performance Wednesday night in Winnipeg.

From her press release:

“Her doctor stated that despite antibiotics, anti-inflammatories, bronchodilators and mucolytic agents prescribed for her condition, she has continued to worsen and he insists that she refrain from singing for the next five days, in order for her to recover completely.”

He insists. He positively insists, nay-- DEMANDS that Celine Dion refrain from singing. For, uh, health reasons. Yes, that’s the ticket.

Well, whatever it takes, I suppose. This suggests that Dion’s nursemaid has accomplished in one stroke under a Hippocratic pretense what critics planetwide have failed to do in over a decade of impassioned panning.

Like her vocal instrument itself, Dion is a creature of the most delicate constitution. Few performers of her stature have suffered more, ahem, “untimely” bouts of bronchitis. Her countenance, one of fine, avian bones thinly concealed by a pallorous porcelain hide, suggests this kind of vulnerability-- it‘s the same sort of genetic flaw often suggested by portraits of hemophiliac Anglo nobility, where everyone has a tall forehead and one can practically see a roadmap of narrow crepuscular veins throbbing timidly just beneath the powdered surface.

There’s a latent story here, of course, and a writer more dedicated to her cause could glean a damning story about the motives of this rogue “physician.” Prescribing antibiotics for a virus? Unlike Dion’s studio efforts, there’s more to this tale than meets the ear.