Kurt Cobain: The Ouija Interview

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ouija board.jpg
According to VH1, Kurt Cobain's suicide was the second most shocking moment in rock and roll history. But VH1 also gives Christopher Knight and Flavor Flav a weekly paycheck, so their acumen is questionable at best. Nonetheless, one pull of a trigger on an April evening in 1994 sent the momentarily enfranchised right back to being the perpetually disenfranchised, and suddenly all those red flannels and hemp necklaces felt like a cruel joke foisted on the national youth.

His legacy is beyond reproach-- with only his wit and his can-do attitude, he single-handedly inspired such luminaries as Monster Magnet, Silverchair and Seven Mary Three. But what has he done for us lately? The Cobain camp has been suspiciously mum for well over a decade now. Not one peep from the Man Without a Face. So now, in our endless quest to plunder every sacred crypt from Cape Cod to the Congo, armed only with a plastic plechette and a taste for the demonstrable, Gimme Noise proudly presents Kurt Cobain: The Ouija Interview. 
Gimme Noise: Is this--
Ouija Board: HELLO
GN: I'll start, thank you.
Kurt Cobain: (no response)
GN: Did you invent unbuttoned flannel shirts?
KC: YES
GN: I knew it.
KC: YES
GN: What else did you invent?
KC: BLEACH
GN: The solvent or the album?
KC: (no response)
GN: I'm familiar with your work.
KC: NOW
GN: Now what? Listen to it?
KC: YES
GN: I don't own it.
KC: NOW COMPUT
GN: I'll download it, if that's what you mean.
KC: YES
GN: Soulseek is really slow. While it's downloading, I'll--
KC: ITUNES
GN: (no response)
KC: ITUNES
GN: Always the dollars with you.
KC: (no response)
GN: (sigh) Fine. But you'd better answer my next--
KC: GET IT YET
GN: iTunes is slow too. When you got to heaven, was your face waiting for you?
KC: (no response)
GN: I've always been curious.
KC: NO
GN: Bummer.
KC: (no response)
GN: Keeping tabs on Courtney?
KC: (no response)
GN: The dog in this room just farted. Was that you?
KC: YES
GN: My thoughts exactly. What's the deal with her?
KC: DAD ISSUES
GN: Typical. So, can you fuck with the living?
KC: YES
GN: Can you tell Dave Grohl to take five?
KC: NO
GN: Can you do anything about Silverchair?
KC: NO
GN: But you can fuck with the living, right?
KC: YES
GN: What's Shannon Hoon up to?
KC: FUCK
GN: You remind me a lot of GG Allin. Anyone ever told you that?
KC: (no response)
GN: I'm just trying to fill space here, Kurt.
KC: (no response)
GN: Ok. Bleach just finished downlo--
KC: GOODBYE
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