The Wet Spot: Wiping down Sex World
We've all been there.
Regardless of your age, gender, race or religion, there is one cultural phenomenon that nearly every person in the Twin Cities has experienced.
Of course I'm talking about Sex World.
There are plenty of reasons why people frequent the neon porn palace downtown. Stopping in with a bunch of girlfriends during a bachelorette party, looking for ways to spice up your sex life, or just looking for a quiet place to crank one out in the middle of the afternoon (Don't act like I'm the only one that's ever done it. Fine; judge me. I don't care).
NEVER BEEN TO SEX WORLD? TRY MY PHOTO TOUR
But what about the brave men and women who work day in and day out, stocking the vibrators, organizing the all-anal DVDs and cleaning up the stained walls of the video booths? Does anyone ever stop and think, "Wow, I wonder what life is like working at Sex World?"
This week, I had the opportunity to spend an evening at everyone's favorite adult superstore and experience life as a Sex World employee.
The shift supervisor, Ross, was cool enough to allow me to hang out at the front counter and soak in the surroundings.
"The nice thing about working here is that it doesn't matter what the economy is like - people need their pornography," Ross explained.
And the people definitely needed it on this night. Over the course of the evening, people of all ages, shapes and preferences strolled in and out of the store, each looking for something completely different. Let's go down the checklist:
- 75-year-old man renting an all-Asian DVD? Check (and awesome).
- A couple wearing matching Arctic Cat snowmobile suits sharing a video booth? Check.
- Chick my mom's age buying a jelly dong? Check.
- Dude my dad's age buying a jelly dong? Check.
- Crazy guy trying to tell one of the Dollhouse girls about his experience in martial arts? Check.
Ah yes, the Dollhouse. If you're not familiar (or just lying to yourself), the Dollhouse features live girls, enclosed in a glass case and ready to put on a private show. At the same time, you have the opportunity to put on a show for the girl on the other side of the glass. And yes, someone has to clean that up.
Remember that the next time you bitch about your job.
While some people may come in for a private show, the most popular attraction at Sex World is open to the public - The Big One. A giant, golden electronic phallus, The Big One draws people from all over, looking for a chance to hop aboard and take a ride.
I'm not trying to be overdramatic, but if you've never rode The Big One, your life is cold and empty and you should consider killing yourself. Kidding!
(Authors note: Not kidding.)
After a few more minutes of watching a customer who looked exactly like Michael McDonald compare pocket pussies, Ross offered his final thoughts.
"Everyone should step foot in here at least once. I mean, we've got a golden penis and girls in a box. Do I need to say anything else?"
Not at all, Ross. Not at all.
Now that you've heard my Sex World story, I'd like to open it up to you - the Wet Spot nation. Like a bunch of 10-year-old kids at Boy Scout camp, I think this is a good week for us to sit back and swap our favorite Sex World stories, complete with self-exploration and a 28-inch dong called, "The Rascal."
Go ahead, have at it.