Bon Scott: the Ouija interview

Categories: Ouija Interview
ouija board.jpg

Bon Scott, the adenoidal, flamboyant frontman of the indefatigable rock troupe AC/DC, died that most dignified of deaths, so native to the profession-- respiration of vomit. His death certificate discreetly whitewashes things by calling it, simply, "death by misadventure," but we know that's simply code for dying the hero's death. That his living bandmates thought they could upll off the swithceroo with Brian Johnson is more than insulting (his constipated strutting is a figurative urination upon Scott's crypt), but we can give them a pass as they enter their 6th decades.

Some may say that an El Paso Starbucks, burrowed in a Barnes and Noble megastore like a Russian nesting doll, is an improper place to hold an impromptu seance. But Gimme Noise readers are made of harder stuff. Those with weak stomachs and hearts, avert your eyes, as Gimme Noise hastily presents Bon Scott: the Ouija interview.

Gimme Noise: Mr. Scott?
Ouija Board: BIG
GN: I'm in a--
Bon Scott: BALLS
GN: Noted. I'm in an El Paso Starbucks right now.
BS: YES
GN: We're going to have to make--
BS: OH
GN: (no repsonse)
BS: (no response)
GN: We're going to have to make this short.
BS: YES
GN: They charge $3.99 for two hours of WiFi here.
BS: (no reponse)
GN: It's a major screwing.
BS: (no response)
GN: So, about Brian Johnson.
BS: YES
GN: What the hell is up with this guy?
BS: BACK
GN: He looks--
BS: IN
GN: (no response)
BS: (no response)
GN: He looks--
BS: BLACK
GN: I was going to say "constipated."
BS: YES
GN: Your death certificate cites "misadventure" as your cause of death.
BS: YES
GN: What's the difference between adventure and misadventure?
BS: DING
GN: Dying?
BS: (no response)
GN: I'm going to assume you meant "dying." You used--
BS: WOO
GN: Seriously, calm down. I need to get this thing done.
BS: (no response)
GN: Did AC/DC ever play El Paso?
BS: YES
GN: Must have been slim pickings in the groupie department.
BS: YES
GN: But you made do?
BS: YES
GN: That's the spirit.
BS: (no reponse)
GN: I think my wireless is running out. I spent too much time G chatting.
BS: WAIT
GN: I have to go.
BS: BUT
GN: Sorry, Bon.
BS: DONT
GN: Goodbye.
BS: DONT
GN: (no response)

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