Brian Wilson's Left Brain: The Ouija interview

Categories: Ouija Interview
Thumbnail image for ouija board.jpg

It's no great revelation that Brian Wilson's brain hasn't held up too well in the last few decades. His drooping lip and late-onset lisp indicate that more than a few lobes have closed up shop. It hasn't stopped Brian from popping out a few releases here and there, but if you squint, you can practically see the strings holding him up.

But it wasn't always so. There was a primordial time when Brian could walk and chew bubble gum at the same time. And in our unending mission to be the bull in that big china shop in the sky, Gimme Noise has found the left hemisphere of Brian's brain enjoying all the harps and clouds that heaven has in store.  So drop a needle on Today! And turn off those Full House reruns. Gimme Noise reverently presents Brian Wilson's Left Brain: The Ouija Interview.

Gimme Noise: Brian Wilson's Left Brain?
Ouija Board: HELLO
GN: Is it okay if I just call you Brian?
Brian Wilson's Left Brain: I GUESS
GN: (no response)
BWLB: DAVID
GN: Sorry. It's just that you're already the most well spoken interview I've done.
BWLB: THANK YOU VERY MUCH
GN: Mike Love.
BWLB: (no response)
GN: What the fuck is up with him?
BWLB: HES A PECULIAR MAN TO BE SURE BUT HES GOOD AT HEART
GN: He seems like a total putz.
BWLB: WELL
GN: And who is he fooling with that beach cap?
BWLB: I DON'T UNDERSTAND
GN: Like we don't know he's bald as Daddy Warbucks under that thing.
BWLB: MM HM
GN: Those spoken word pieces on That Lucky Ol' Sun are pretty kinky.
BWLB: I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TO DO WITH THOSE
GN: I suppose not.
BWLB: (no response)
GN: Must rankle you a bit though.
BWLB: I TRY NOT TO LET IT BOTHER ME
GN: Probably healthy.
BWLB: NOT MUCH I CAN DO ABOUT WHAT THE REMAINING PARTS OF BRIANS BRAIN DO
GN: When did you check out?
BWLB: OF WHAT
GN: You know. Of Brian. Were you around for the parts where Brian wasn't showering?
BWLB: FUCK NO
GN: That must be a relief.
BWLB: YOU AINT KIDDING
GN: Were you there--
BWLB: I WAS LONG GONE
GN: Were you there for Pet Sounds?
BWLB: OFF AND ON
GN: What's the last song you helped Brian write?
BWLB: HELP ME RHONDA
GN: Hm.
BWLB: HM WHAT
GN: Nothing. Just not Brian's strongest.
BWLB: WELL LA DE DA
GN: No offense.
BWLB: HOW MANY NUMBER ONE HITS HAVE YOU WRITTEN
GN: (no response)
BWLB: HOW MANY
GN: Touche.
BWLB: AND HOW MANY GOLD RECORDS DID YOU HAVE BY THE TIME YOU WERE 19
GN: I get the point. I'm sorry I--
BWLB: ID GOTTEN ASS ON 5 CONTINENTS BY THE TIME I COULD VOTE
GN: (no response)
BWLB: (no response)
GN: Well, I'm sensing a little tension so I--
BWLB: BACKING OUT
GN: Well--
BWLB: TYPICAL
GN: Enjoy the hereafter, Brian Wilson's left brain.
BWLB: GO FUCK YOURSELF
GN: I'll take it under advisement. Goodbye.


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