Eazy-E: The Ouija interview

Categories: Ouija Interview
ouija board.jpg

In its carefree youth, hip hop just wanted to hang out on the block and have a little fun. But somewhere in its troubled teen years, hip hop started playing with its father's gun, and there was little looking back. And who was the older brother who led the fledgling form into this den of iniquity? A bisexual, helium-voiced drug dealer named Eazy-E.

Eazy-E confronted, in rhyme, tough topics known only too well to the inner city youth for which he was a mouthpiece. Since his death from AIDS in 1995, Eazy-E has been quiet as a church mouse. So, with forty ounces of the very finest and our trusty plechette in hand, Gimme Noise proudly presents Eazy-E: The Ouija interview.


Gimme Noise: Eazy?
Ouija Board: YE
GN: Was that--
Eazy E: S
GN: (no response)
EE: (no response)
GN: I just saw that Bone Thugz -N- Harmony video you're sort of in.
EE: YES
GN: Weak song, but not bad exposure.
EE: (no response)
GN: Your wikipedia page says you achieved "critical acclaim" as a solo artist.
EE: YES
GN: Did you write your own wikipedia entry?
EE: (no response)
GN: I don't remember a lot of critical acclaim.
EE: (no response)
GN: Was it hard being the first openly bisexual gangsta rapper?
EE: WHAT
GN: What what?
EE: NO
GN: The press materials sent to me say that you were the first openly bisexual gangsta rapper.
EE: NO
GN: These materials are incorrect? They came from your publicist.
EE: FUCK
GN: I see.
EE: NO
GN: I'm afraid most of my questions are now rather inconsequential.
EE: (no response)
GN: I can ad lib it.
EE: YES
GN: You went to a Republican Senatorial lunch once.
EE: YES
GN: Did you meet Strom Thurmond?
EE: NO
GN: I see.
EE: (no response)
GN: You're quite certain you weren't the first openly bisexual gangsta rapper?
EE: NO
GN: No you're not certain, or no you weren't the first?
EE: (no response)
GN: (no response)
EE: (no response)
GN: I'm sensing some tension here, so let's change the subject.
EE: YES
GN: Can't scrap a lick, I understand.
EE: WHAT
GN: Dre seems to think that you carried firearms due to substandard fighting abilities.
EE: SO
GN: Did you ever think of picking up the Charles Atlas weightlifting set?
EE: NO
GN: I'm told it's done wonders.
EE: (no response)
GN: Bit of a moot point, I suppose.
EE: (no response)
GN: Write something in gangsta speak.
EE: WHAT
GN: You know. With a bunch of z's and 8's.
EE: (no response)
GN: Look, you're certain you weren't the first openly--
EE: GOODBYE


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