Alice Cooper turns 61

Mr. Cooper wants his shoes creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and he wants them now, Porterhouse!

Patty Duke in greasepaint, Ward Cleaver with a riding crop, Alice Cooper has spent three-plus decades being a fearsome strutter on-stage and an affable goof off it.

His days as an A-list glam rock star may have dipped below the curvature of the Earth, but Cooper, believe it or not, has aged gracefully, continuing to turn out albums and tours to laudable critical acclaim, all the while moonlighting as a successful radio DJ and adamant golfer.

Declared by Rolling Stone to be the world's most beloved heavy metal performer, Cooper has always been quick to temper his flamboyant, often fearful stage presence with a keen sense of humor on and off camera. And, unlike Kirk Cameron, he hasn't let his status as a born-again Christian (can't make this stuff up) turn him into a warped monster. Hell, the glammy Godfather even performed a duet with Marilyn Manson in 2007.

But how can a lowly music blog properly pay tribute to so storied a figure on this momentous day?

Why, by posting this clip of his appearance on the Muppet Show, of course!