Chris Brown assaults Rihanna, endangers chewing gum endorsement

Categories: Music News
doublemint.jpg

While his girlfriend Rihanna was no doubt fussing with some foundation backstage, while her publicist was publicly insisting that she simply fell down some stairs, while the crowd watched as Grammy officials hastily edited some award envelopes, R and B singer and prospective Doublemint spokesman Chris Brown was en route to the pokey in a brand new pair of steel bracelets.


Brown beats girlfriend, bad breath with a single blow.

Details have quickly emerged-- Rihanna, who "abruptly" cancelled her performance at sunday's Grammys, was indeed Brown's chosen victim in an assault that has landed Brown a brand spanking new felony charge. The fallout? Brown left a Los Angeles county jail $50,000, and a promotional spot at the upcoming NBA All-Star game, lighter.

But the real loser here is, undoubtedly, Wrigley's Chewing Gum. Ever the model of blinding purity, the fresh-breath purveyors have decided, most genteely, that perhaps now might not be the best time to have an alleged felon and woman beater hawking their Doublemint, if you please. You know, what with the economy, and all.

Don't worry, folks. Rihanna's publicist, curtly, insists that she is "well." Oh, if only truth in advertising laws extended to the marketing of public figures. Then unconscionably non-committal P.R. white-washings like that would be equally punishable. Presumably, Miss Fenty will be chewing Trident for the foreseeable future.

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