Stop calling it "South By."

By David Hansen Tue., Feb. 3 2009 at 12:56 PM

Categories: SXSW

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Thanks. It won't take long. I know we've only been seeing each other a short while. And don't get me wrong, I had a blast at Chino Latino the other night. Well, mostly. And meeting your friends at Too Much Love was pretty sweet, too. And that subscription to Vice magazine you got me for my birthday was really helpful. I think I'm catching on.

But, baby, I really, really need you to stop calling it "South By."

Don't get mad. I know it's a small thing. But small things are important too.

Why? Well, frankly, I find it irritating.

I'm not being anal. It's totally lazy. It's already an acronym. They already abbreviated it for you, and I know you have the time for those extra two syllables -- you work part time at an Uptown coffee shop.

Oh, I'm the jerk? What about you? For the first two weeks we were dating, I was completely puzzled. I spent the whole breakfast at the Sunny Side confused and embarrassed. I mean, I pieced it together, ultimately. But when your friend Alli asked me if I "saw MGMT at South By," I almost choked on my cowboy torte.

Don't you dare bring up linguistics to me. You didn't even know that field of study existed until I explained it to you. But we can talk about Orwellian doublespeak if you really want to open that can of worms. I don't think you do. Don't forget, I have an associate's in English Lit from MCTC. I don't think you want to tangle with that.

Well, now you're just doing it to annoy me. You can be so childish sometimes. Stop that. And lower your voice. People are looking.

Look. I'm not trying to make this ugly, and I don't want to ruin lunch. I'm just asking for a favor. I don't mind that you kept checking your text messages when I took you to Synecdoche, NY. I can even forgive your incessant Facebook status updates, which mention me by name.

But not this. I must draw the line. Please. Stop calling it "South By."

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