Valentine's Day round up
The most loathed and emotionally-loaded holiday is upon us. Let me help you dodge the misery. Looking for love? Looking for a good time with your lover? Looking for something kinky? Looking to destroy something in a fit of rage? Don't worry, I've got you covered.
Isn't life grand? Grab your beloved and bring them to one of these events.
Love Tour 2009
Minnesota Zoo, 13000 Zoo Blvd., Apple Valley; 952.431.9500
Ever wondered about the mating rituals of animals? This evening features tours on jungle love, a romantic dinner, and wine. 21+. Tours begin at 6 p.m. and run every 15 minutes until 7:15 p.m. Dinner seating at 7:30 and 8:30 p.m. Visit www.mnzoo.org to RSVP. $170 per couple.
Art Shanty Projects
Medicine Lake, 9699 17th Ave. N., Plymouth
This is the last week to enjoy the lovely art shanty community. Check out their website (www.artshantyprojects.org) for a list of activities. Free. 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Park at the East Beach parking lot; the Art Car Taxi will arrive shortly to take you to the shanties.
Romeo and Juliet
Children's Theatre Company, 2400 3rd Ave. S., Minneapolis; 612.874.0400
This one is probably self-explanatory... 4 p.m. & 8 p.m. $19-$29.
Victorian Poetry Slam
James J. Hill House, 240 Summit Ave., St. Paul; 651.297.2555
Costumed actors recite timeless poetry. Hearts gush. 7 p.m. $10.
The Red Ball Fundraiser
345 13th Ave. NE, Minneapolis; 612.436.1129
Check out this romantic fundraiser for the Ritz Theater. The evening features dinner, champagne, dancing, and a performance of the delightfully strange Dream Channel: Episode 2. 8 p.m. $35-$75.
Traci Skene and Brian McKim
Joke Joint Comedy Club, Mall of America Ramada, 2300 E. American Blvd., Bloomington; 612.327.0185
This married couple do comedy shows together. How cute is that? 7:30 & 10 p.m. $8-$12.
Who needs love anyway? Not you.
Shred the Love
Midtown Global Market, 920 E Lake St., Minneapolis, 612.872.4041
Bring something your lame-ass ex gave you to destroy. There will be a shredder, giant scissors, punching bag, and aromatherapy. Perhaps you will meet someone new while tearing that pink teddy bear to pieces. 3-5 p.m. Free.
Adventures In Mating
Bryant-Lake Bowl, 810 West Lake St., Minneapolis, 612.825.8949
The final show of the long-running, popular production about a blind date. Laugh at their misery. 6 & 9 p.m. $15.
SlamMN!: Erotica Slam
Kieran's Irish Pub, 330 2nd Ave. S, Minneapolis, 612.339.4499
You know what hurts more than sticks and stones? Words. Some slammers may be funny, some sexy, some spectacularly angry. 7:30 p.m. $7.
Ain't nothing wrong with getting your freak on.
Hot Wax : An Evening of Burlesque and Cabaret
Patrick's Cabaret, 3010 Minnehaha Ave. S, Minneapolis, 612.721.3595
Lovely ladies from Lili's Burlesque do a strip tease, Kajal Bellydance Troupe shimmies, the Midnight Muse Revue plays tunes, and DJ Chris Dunn will spin you round. 8 p.m. $7; $10 per couple.
Ground Zero, 15 4th St. NE, Minneapolis, 612.378.5115
The best place to don that vinyl body suit, get whipped, or dance to dark electronica. 10 p.m. $6.
Northrup King Studios, 1500 Jackson St. NE, Minneapolis, 612.363.5612
Looking to get dressed up and dance with furries? This gig is for you. 7 p.m. to midnight. Free.
Red Eye Theater, 15 W 14th St., Minneapolis, 612.870.0309
This production is probably not as raunchy as the infamous X-rated movie, but if you dig orgies, sadism, and insanity, this show will speak to you. For tickets call 612.375.0300. 7:30 p.m. $14-$16.
Come and get your love at one of these bashes.
Crush Valentine's Day Bash
Myth, 3090 Southlawn Dr., Maplewood, 651.779.6984
This event features sweet desserts and a sex toy party for ladies. Be sure to wear red if you're single. 10 p.m., $10 for 21+; $15 for 18+.
Valentine's Day Tribute to Guns 'n' Roses
Trocaderos, 107 3rd Ave. N, Minneapolis, 612.465.0440
You know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby. God Johnson and Absolut Gruv serenade you with romantic tunes like "Patience," "Sweet Child O Mine," and "November Rain." 18+. 8 p.m., $8/$10.
Turn on the Heat: Valentine's Day Show
Hexagon Bar, 2600 27th Ave. S, Minneapolis, 612.722.3454
Check out the Brutes, Jenny Dalton, Cryns #3, Solid Gold, and more at this show. 9 p.m. Free.
Valentine's Day Show
7th Street Entry, 701 1st Ave. N., Minneapolis, 612.332.1775
Another V-Day show with a great line-up. Music is always a good ice breaker. Chris Koza, Big Trouble, Lucy Michelle & the Velvet Lapelles perform. 8 p.m. 18+., $10/$12.