Michael Jackson to make mysterious announcement

How big do you have to be before your publicist announces your announcements, giving a press conference to alert the press to your coming press conference?

Jacko big. It's precisely what happened in Michael Jackson's camp-- Jackson is slated to make an ominous declaration about his summer plans. Smart money says he'll be playing a series of summer concerts at London's 02 Arena, but Gimme Noise has our own speculations about the nature of all this ado.

Michael Jackson

9 POTENTIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS FROM THE KING OF POP

1. Organ match for failing lung found among Jackson's collection of "spare parts."

2. Plans to purchase that Black Volkswagon Golf off Car Soup proceeding nicely-- just needs a few bucks for a down payment.

3. Will moonwalk before bedroom mirror, eat cookie dough from the tube, watch old home videos, attempt to refill Xanex prescription well into 2010.

4. Will say "Doing fine," limply wave, and stand about like an arthritic monkey skeleton until ushered from the stage.

5. Will present his two sons, Prince I and Prince II, and, while loudly ringing a brass bell, cry out "Boys for sale."

6. Will proclaim "My work here is done," and crumble into a pile of ash.

7. Will  spend 2009 on a tour within the nightmares of disillusioned American thirty-somethings.

8. Upcoming collaboration with, I dunno, let's say, Hanson.

9. Original face found in a box full of T.V. Guides in basement.