Eminem releases video for "We Made You"

Categories: Music
eminem500.jpg
Eminem gives an unconditional middle finger. To what exactly? Who cares!

Temporal physicists take note-- Eminem's new video for "We Made You," the first single off his forthcoming album, may be the most convincing evidence yet that it is indeed possible to travel back to the past.

Unlike the leaked track "Crack A Bottle," which featured Em, Dre and 50 Cent in a hopelessly infectious track, all three of them rhyming at or near the pinnacle of their abilities, "We Made You" is an unpalatable ketchup of gauche and predictable pop culture quips. Kim Kardashian? Jessica Simpson? For perhaps the first time in Slim Shady's career, the gadfly showed up late to the game, and instead of sniping pop tyrants at their peak (as he did with Aguilera, Moby and Fred Durst), "We Made You" finds Em adrift in an incomprehensible and thoroughly unlikable beat, beating dead horses and picking their skeletons clean.

The video itself (which has embedding disabled, god dammit) is a head-scratcher. It's a schizophrenic stew of pop culture images so dislodged from any particular time that it leaves one wondering if Eminem even knows what he's lampooning anymore, at least when operating on the Slim Shady moniker. In one frame, he's being pimp slapped by Jessica Alba while dressed as Mr. Spock, and in the next he's crooning the song's chorus in front of a terrible blue-screened image of Guitar Hero tiles descending aimlessly upon him.

The secret tragedy is that Gimme Noise's staff harbors a private affection for Marshall Mathers, even at his lowest of ebbs, and news that he was poised to emerge from retirement was, at the very least, a promising curio. But this video seems so badly informed, and makes the once relevant Slim Shady seem so badly out of touch, that our enthusiasm has descended to a quiet, apprehensive murmur.

Who knows. We still partially bate our breath for the full release, due on May 19. But, after a whiff of "We Made You," it's mostly to keep from gagging on the stench.

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