Twilight star to play Joan Jett in upcoming biopic

Categories: Pop Culture
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Bestill our beating hearts-- Joan Jett.

It ought to take more than a sneer and a black shag cut to play Joan Jett. I mean, take a look at Kristen Stewart. Just look at her. Does she look like she could wrestle a gator, jump Snake River Canyon, and light things on fire with her mind as Joan Jett can?

Fine-- we're mythologizing Jett a bit, and denigrating Stewart a ton. But going on a muscled, hard knuckle 50 years old, Joan Jett still manages to be tougher, cooler, and more aware than the terminally fair faced Stewart will ever hope to be, no matter how many Camel straights she might smoke during the filming of The Runaways, the upcoming Jett biopic in which she has been cast in the lead.

Look, we all saw What We Do Is Secret, the ill-born biopic about the Germs in which an equally posh Shane West posed as the careening, driverless carriagehorse that was Darby Crash. It simply doesn't work. When you throw some concealing foundation over a figure like Crash or Jett, when you Febreeze away the odor of stale beer and cigarette smoke to market an unsightly product to a mass audience, you bore the unfamiliar and piss off the people who were there. And then of course, your movie flops.

The film is a year away from major release, and anything could happen. But we at Gimme Noise love nothing better than counting unhatched chickens, and then farting on them as they begin to peck their way from the egg. We love Joan Jett and we hate Twilight, and those two worlds, which will come crashing together in 2010, are nigh irreconcilable. And though we love a good train wreck, we just prefer our mass produced teen actresses to go straight from the Disney channel to Lifetime, without passing Go.

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