Are You Ready For the Country: Your cheatin' heart will tell on you

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​WE Fest kicks off today up in Detroit Lakes with headliners including Toby Keith, Tim McGraw, Trace Adkins and Taylor Swift. But the act that caught my attention wasn't any of these big guns of country; rather, a little-known husband-wife duo opening around 3:30 P.M. on Friday.

I have a friend working up at WE Fest, and between making signs detailing where Big & Rich and Brooks & Dunn get to go to V.I.P. pee, he sent me this video, "Cheater Cheater" from opening act Joey + Rory.

Joey + Rory are a (I would presume) happily married couple living in an 1870s farmhouse forty miles south of Nashville. Rory is a songwriter, and Joey and her sister-in-law run a rural diner near their home. They released this song last year after it won them third place on the CMT competition Can You Duet. Controversial perhaps by Nashville's standards for its chorus ending in "Cheater, cheater where'd you meet that no good, white trash ho," it's yet another take on a theme that's always been real common in country music.

That theme's been weighing heavily on my mind lately, since I've found a friend of mine's been philanderin'. So friend, this is for you: what happens when you cheat, per country music:

Miranda Lambert'll set your house on fire.





If only he hadn't lost his legs in that ol' crazy Asian war, Kenny Rogers would get his gun and put you in the ground.





If you're with Garth Brooks' wife you'll get shot in the face--at least, according to the original ending of the video censored by CMT.




(Oh, and if you're his mama you'll get run over by his papa's semi)



George Jones' little woman would tell you to go jump in the lake.




Carrie Underwood'll dig her key into the side of your pretty little souped up four-wheel-drive, carve her name into your leather seats, take a Louisville slugger to both headlights and slash a hole in all four tires.





If you're with Reba's brother, well, again, you'll get shot in the face.






And Travis Tritt'll throw you a quarter and tell you to call someone who cares.



In truth, Miranda Lambert's probably not gonna burn your house down. Kenny Rogers isn't gonna get his gun and put you in the ground. In truth, you'll deny it as y'all do, and she'll blame the other woman as we all do because it's easier than accepting that you done wrong. But Hank said it best. Well, when didn't he.

Your cheatin' heart will tell on you.


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