Billy Corgan, Jessica Simpson dating

​What woman could resist him? Living skeleton Billy Corgan, seen here in his audition for The Machinist.

It's sort of an American dream--part of our collective mythology--that every so often, the dud gets the dreamboat. Miller and Monroe, Roberts and Lovett...uh...Dion and and Angelil?

Anyway, it's a bit disingenuous to champion these examples as the norm. Sort of like those Mystic Lake commercials where everyone in the joint is hitting 21 on the nose. Most often, the duds get the duds. Case in point? Undead gadfly Billy Corgan and ventriloquist dummy Jessica Simpson have removed themselves from the dating pool.

Jessica Simpson.

The aforementioned couplings, where the bespectacled brainiac nets the bombshell, are always a win-win. When Marilyn Monroe bagged Arthur Miller, everyone wondered if perhaps there was more to Ms. Monroe than the vapid, breathless sex kitten. And Miller? He got to bang Marilyn Monroe. See? Win-win.

But this unholy coupling between Corgan and Simpson is something like a knifefight, a tangle in which there are, famously, no winners. Corgan can expect his cred as a thinker and a pundit to be severely undermined, while Simpson can look forward to speending hours cross-eyed while Corgan holds a one-sided debate about the natures of God and Man.

One must wonder what will occur if Simpson becomes Corgan's muse. Or--gasp--vice versa. If Corgan goes soft and squishy for the girl-next-door, whatever will become of his caricatured, vampiric persona? Or of Simpson's saccharine appeal, should she melt for the brooding coffin-dozer? Livelihoods are at stake. Keep ears peeled.