World's Toughest Rodeo rolls into town this weekend

​ So I'm more excited than a bag full of rattlesnakes here. The World's Toughest Rodeo is coming to the Xcel Energy Center this weekend for two shows (Friday 1/29 and Saturday 1/30, 7:30). Here's what I reckon we're gonna see down there.

I anticipate seeing female barrel racers patronized as they are paraded around the arena to the tune of "Pretty Woman," the announcer referring to them as "the pretty ladies."

Photos by Nikki Miller

​ Scantily-clad women in Jagermeister shirts wielding t-shirt cannons.

​ The Taco John's monkey herding sheep.

​ Concussive cowboys falling off broncs and bulls, but getting back on to ride again in a head-injured daze.

​ ​ At least, that was my experience at the rodeo last year. It was also one of the few places in these Twin Cities I felt I could get away with wearing my made-in-China Toby Keith brand cowboy hat (though my companion, normally very indulgent of my stupid ideas, confirmed that I would indeed look like an asshole if I wore it to the Hex when we headed there post-rodeo).

​ In addition to all this, Randy Houser, who performs my favorite song about shit-kickers, will be playing after the rodeo on Saturday night. Life just does not get better than this. Tickets start at $17. To get you in the mood, here are 10 songs about the rodeo. Then head to Schatzlein's to grab yourself a cowboy hat, and I'll see you at the rodeo this weekend.

Waylon and Willie (performed here by The Highwaymen) - "Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys"

Cowboys. They pick guitars. They drive old trucks. Would rather give you a song than diamonds or gold. Wear Lone Star belt buckles and old faded Levi's. They never stay home and are always alone, even with someone they love. Riiiiight. I'll never understand the appeal of a cowboy. Give me a doctor or lawyer. Right.